Missing Pieces (Sebastian Vettel)

10. Persuasion

Seb walked into the kitchen, Rocky trailing behind him. He put his crash helmet down on the dining table and then walked over to the fridge. He yanked the door open and took out a bottle of beer.

"I'd offer you one but you're driving," he told Rocky. "Did you want a Coke? Or maybe a hot chocolate? I know you're a coffee man but I have no need to buy it anymore..."

Not that Nora's dead, he finished off in his head.

"A Coke will do fine mate," Rocky replied. He took the can that Seb held out to him and opened it. "Isn't it a little early to be drinking?" Seb opened his beer and took a long swig. 

"Well I think the anniversary of my wife's death is as good an excuse as any," he replied.

"Shit mate, I'm sorry.  I didn't realise," Rocky apologised.  Seb laughed bitterly.

"It's ok.  Life goes on, doesn't it? Or so the saying goes. Did you want anything to eat? I'm going to make a sandwich."

"No thanks mate."  Rocky watched Seb as he opened the fridge again and began taking things out.  He looked so different to the man Rocky had known so well. His hair had grown longer than Rocky had ever seen it before, almost long enough to tie back, and had turned dark blonde, almost brown.  His beard was just a little bit too long and unkempt.  He looked rough, although he was obviously keeping up with his fitness.  His body looked as toned as ever.

"Seb, how are you?" Rocky asked tentatively.

"How am I?" Seb repeated. "How do you think I am Rocky?" Rocky hesitated before replying carefully.

"You don't talk to anyone nowadays, not even Christian.   We're all worried mate." Seb took two slices of bread out of the packaging and began to spread butter on it.   "I know you've been through a lot..."

"Going through. Not been through.  Been through suggests I'm over it. I'm not.  Every day I have to wake up and remember that she's gone."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, that's what everyone keeps saying.  They're sorry she died, they're sorry I lost her.  Sorry doesn't change a damn thing.   She's still dead."

Rocky began to wonder if he'd done the right thing flying to Switzerland to see Seb.   Maybe Seb's silence should have hammered the message home that he didn't want to talk to him.

"People keep asking me if I'm ok. I'd be a hell of a lot better if people just left me the fuck alone."

Rocky sat down at the table. He didn't know what to say next. Sebastian wasn't the Sebastian he'd known, losing his wife had changed him forever. Still, he'd come all this way for a reason. If his suspicions were correct, Seb had the right to know.

"I'm sorry Rocky," Seb said, turning around. "I should have just texted you back and saved you a pointless trip."

"Seb, please if you could just see..."

"Rocky, I'm not interested. Not in Formula 1, not some wonder kid, not in racing at all. I'm done."

"But..."

"No buts. Racing was once my life, well a big part of it, but now that part of my life is over. This is my life now."

"What? Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself whilst life passes you by?"

Rocky hadn't meant to be so blunt but he hated seeing what Seb was doing to himself. He knew the real Seb, the Seb that was the human version of sunshine. The Seb that could make anyone smile.