Space Egg

December 2nd- 3rd

I'm not sure how long I laid in bed shivering, my body aching from my mental discomfort. I was upset, upset to the point of my chest hurting. My heart feels far too big for the space it's confined to. I feel too big, too small, too insignificant, too dumb to do anything. My insides feel like they're eating themselves up, leaving me a hollow shell of who I am.
I want to run.
I want to run away from my problems, from my reality, from my life. I want to run until my feet bleed, run until I feel like I can no longer breathe. Run until my cheeks burn from the ever-growing flush of my flesh. Run until I'm finally warm.
But it's snowing. The ground is now frosted white. Tomorrow is a weekend, and I will be confined. Stuck. I wouldn't run, I would sit, my hands numb, my heart aching as if it might explode at any second. Trapped in my own body, dreading the next moment I was trapped in an interrogation room, information being forced from my lips.
    I had received an email.
    The FBI had taken the case. I was the only witness. And to withhold information from the FBI was a felony. This case was growing in size because of me. I could've given the information needed and this would've all been over by now. But I didn't want to change somebody's fate. I had done that once. And gosh I regretted it. I knew the pain of these people. I couldn't bear to hold that weight on my shoulders. But if I didn't speak... I too would be receiving the same treatment. The world was a cruel trap. Life hadn't been kind to me thus far, and it was only throwing more traps in the way.
    "Pennie," Aunt raps on the door, her voice soft.
    I pick my head up from bed, barely meeting her eyes.
    "Dinner is ready." She hums, her sing-song voice softer than usual. She was tentative with her words, carefully picking and choosing them.
    She noticed my tear-stained cheeks, my red nose, and flushed cheeks.
    "That bad?" She asks walking over and sitting on the foot of my bed with a creak. She lays her hand on my quilt, rubbing the binding, the satin crinkling under her restless fingers.
    "Bad," I murmur in agreement. I wrap my arms around my shoulders, squeezing my arms slightly attempting to ground myself.
    "Aunt," I whisper not wanting to look her in the eyes.
    I can tell she takes this notion seriously. I don't call her by names or titles, ever.
    "The- the FBI have stepped in."
    Her eyes grow big, and I know she tries to hide it, but she's scared of me. Neither of us was new to the legal system, nor the Police or even the FBI. But last time it hadn't ended well for us. And this time it was me, unpredictable even to myself, incredibly emotionally unstable. And Aunt knew I didn't want to speak.
    "Pennie." Aunt said again, her fingers furiously running through her newly greying hair. "You have to tell them what you saw."
    Tears spike in my eyes, my muscles tensing.
    "I know."
    Aunt wraps me in a hug so tight I fear I might never breathe again.
    Life hadn't been kind to me, but this was the one good thing it had given me. Aunt. No one could match her, the most loving, caring, amazing person ever. I cared for her with all my heart. And how she reciprocated this to me I could never understand. I hadn't made her life easy. She had never wanted children, or to provide for another life. But then my Mom had murdered a man, and suddenly I was floating in the foster system Aunt didn't hesitate to step into my life. My aunt was younger than my Mom and had far less financially. But that didn't matter. She took one look at me and didn't even question helping. She worked her butt off for me, as I did for her, but even so, we struggled. In a few years, I would turn 18 and be given the money my Mother had lost upon killing the man, and I had no doubt the moment I received it, it would all go to Aunt. She had allowed me to live. And I wasn't going to screw it up even more by refusing to speak to the FBI.
"I'll talk," I murmur, my head pressed against her hair. "I promise." "I know you will." Aunt remarks pressing a kiss on my forehead.
"Thank you," I whisper wiping the tears away from my cheeks, but when I look up Aunt had already left. No doubt answering a call for her Job. She was busy, even on her days supposedly off like this one. Always away on calls, always working in an attempt to provide. This was never the life she had wanted. But it was the one I had given to her.