Incompatibility

16

[A/N: Little favor guys, can you play Padaba Taka while reading this? That song inspired me to write this whole chapter so I hope it gives you the same feels as it did with me, kahit medyo hindi tugma ang chapter sa song. 😬

Thank you! Enjoy!]

***

Rafael

Ilang linggo na ang nakalipas mula noong umalis ako sa bahay nila Auri, and honestly, that decision is killing me every single night.

Ako ang nag-desisyon at walang nagpaalis sa'kin kaya kailangan kong panindigan. After all, Auri seems to look a little more at peace now that I'm out of the picture.

We haven't seen each other since the time that they came to my office to return the necklace, but I regularly see Adeline because I take her out for lunch or dinners, or even for shopping, just like the old times.

None of us ever spoke of the past events ever again. It was as if all of those never happened. Water under the bridge. We just went on with our lives, trying to get by with what we have.

I noticed that I've been more busy with work than I ever was before. Maybe that's my way of coping with things. Sa gano'ng paraan, hindi ko na nabibigyan ng pagkakataon ang sarili ko na masyadong isipin ang mga nangyayari.

Every night, whenever I miss my girls, I just play with Auri's lily necklace and it helps me fall asleep. Brings me some sort of comfort whenever I'm holding it.

I stopped in the middle of my jog when I noticed Amelie, Auri's friend, who's running towards my direction. It was only when she lifted her head that she saw me.

"Uy!" she removed her headset then stopped in front of me.

"Nice seeing you. Kumusta?" tanong ko.

"Heto, masyadong napapasarap yata sa kain kaya kailangang mag-jog," biro niya. "Ikaw? Kumusta?" pagbabalik niya ng tanong sa akin.

"Ayos lang. Kumusta nga pala si Auri?"

Pakapalan na ng mukha, pero gusto kong malaman kung kumusta na siya.

Kumunot ang noo niya sa tanong ko na parang nag-aalangan pang sumagot. "Okay naman siya, nag-lunch kami kahapon with Clive and Adeline, 'yun lang. Hindi rin kami madalas magkita lately eh," sagot niya.

Lunch with Clive? Na naman? Aba, namimihasa na 'yang Clive na 'yan!

"Oh okay. Sige, ingat ka. I have to get going na rin. Nice to see you again!"

She nodded. "Ikaw rin!"

If I didn't know any better, I would think na nanliligaw na 'yang Clive na 'yan sa kaniya.

Damn this! Ang pangit na naman ng simula ng araw ko!

***

Despite how badly my day began, I tried to end it in a positive note by taking a stroll around the city after dinner.

Not expecting much from this walk. Just want to take a breather.

It's funny that even in the tiniest details of my day, I remember Riri. Like how I thought of her, first thing in the morning when I got up. Or whenever I'm with Adeline and I catch a glimpse of Riri when she gives me the puppy eyes because she wants me to buy something for her.

Or even now, when the lamppost lights are illuminating the calm pavement by the bay, and the gust of wind is bracing me and is seemingly sharing my loneliness is when I get reminded of Riri.

She's everywhere. Her soft voice is stuck in my head like a broken record playing the same song again, and again, and again.

I realized that I've never been this lonely before. Sure, I'm not with my dose of sunshine for the past years, but why do a few good days with her making me feel like I'm left in a cold and dark place now that it's over?

I'd like to think that it was a mistake.

No, not the 'loving her' part is, but the fact that I fell in love with someone who pushes people away when she feels that she's getting too dependent with them.

Loving her was one of the most unexplicable feeling that I was lucky enough to feel even just for a few moments in my life, and maybe that's just how it is. Maybe all I can really have is a few good moments with her.

Of course, I wouldn't want to give her up, but if the setup that feels good for me is strangling her, then maybe it shouldn't happen in the first place.

***

Auria

Today was stressful. Work was piled up, my mind was clouded all day, ni hindi ko man lang nakausap si Adeline dahil ang aga kong umalis at sobrang late na ako nakauwi.

I stared at my exhausted face in the mirror, cupped my cheeks and tapped them just to find myself pouting at how tired and stressed I look.

Eventually, I flicked the switch off as I walked out of the bathroom.

It feels unusually cold and lonely in my room tonight. Hindi ko maipaliwanag, but it feels like I'm in a different reality where I'm all alone.

Kaya ayokong nasasanay na may kasama eh. Tignan mo ngayon, porket madilim at tahimik ang kwarto ko, nalulungkot na agad ako.

Naupo na lang ako sa kama at sinubukan kong humiga at matulog, pero lumipas ang ilang minuto na lalong lumalala ang nararamdaman ko.

After some time, the emptiness began taking over my weary mind. Thoughts are occupying my mind one by one.

I turned on the lamp to help ease the feeling, but my chest just kept on pounding much harder, constricting my breaths into short, shallow ones, not enough to fill my airways.

I quickly got up, sat on the edge of the bed, letting my feet dangle on the side as I clutched my chest with my right hand.

My legs began shaking up and down in a quick, unrhythmic manner, simulatenous to each other.

I need my inhaler, but it's on my bag!

"Hinga, Auri," I whispered breathlessly as I felt it worsen.

"Okay, look at me ha. Let's take deep breaths, okay?"

His voice echoed in my mind.

"Alright, breathe deep ha. Dahan dahan."

I held on to the edge of the nighstand as I tried regulating my breaths, from drawing deep inhales to quick exhales.

Kailangan kong malampasan 'to ng mag-isa.

"Hinga lang ha. Take your time,"

Mag-isa! Kaya ko nang mag-isa!!

"This is all I can do to help you. Try to slowly calm ha."

Kaya ko...kaya ko nang mag-isa...

Leche! Sinabi na ngang kaya kong mag-isa! Bakit ako umiiyak?!

Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko para mapigilan ang paghikbi pero lalo lang akong hindi makahinga. Pasikip na ng pasikip ang dibdib ko kaya tumayo na ako kahit nanghihina at nanginginig, para lang makuha ang inhaler sa bag ko.

Finally, I was able to get a hold of the inhaler. I slowly breathed in, repeating it multiple times until my chest felt less tight and constricted.

I sank on the floor, with tears running down my face.

You'll be okay, Auri. Maybe not now, but you'll be okay.

You have to be.

*

End of Chapter 16

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