:) |A Fragment of Us|:) (A Found Family Fanfic)

Chapter Three-The Before|Part Three

Everything that happened today was 

                    All

                    My

                    Fault.

____________________________________________________________

I woke up, eyes scanning and hands roaming. Nothing was found but padded floors and the darkness that masked it. My head hurts and my eyes feel heavy and deep. I don't know how long I was asleep or how long ago I killed them.

Everything flew together in this room, nothing made sense. Nothing was linear, everything was a jumbled mess of regrets and fears and memories and thoughts. So many thoughts. My brain had no dampener, no distraction, nothing to hold back the flood as the dam was finally cracked and I couldn't control what my mind lingered on. Or who it lingered on.

The sobs had long found their way out of my throat. Their essence had coated the walls and then quickly dissipated, leaving me alone again. My cries had done nothing to twist the hearts of those that laid just outside my entrapment. I knew that would never happen though. Those on duty know better than to fall into the likeness of those in captivity. And as for those higher up, well let's just say it wouldn't surprise me if they had audio recordings of our screams to fall asleep to.

A beam of light peaks through a small rectangle slowly forming in the door. A slot opens up to the other side and a gloved hand pushes a tray of food through, then the light goes right back out. In a heartbeat I throw my body against where I now know the door to be, only to feel a painful jolt rush through my entire body. It makes its way from my shoulder, where I had made the contact, to my limbs and down to my fingers and toes and all my other extremities until eventually it goes out.

The sensation leaves behind a dull ache in my bones.

Electric doors.

This was new too.

The rapid beat of my heart echoed in my skin as it hammered against my ribcage. My ears begged for the sweet release of silence though no real noise was being emitted anywhere around me. The darkness that hid me from the cognitive recognition of my surroundings also nurtured the deprivation of any sounds. It drove me crazy.

I let myself fall into the silence engulfing me. I listened to it, breathed in it, and lived in it. I did what I could, what I learned to do, to keep myself sane. As sane as I could be.

Once composure was regained I moved my hands along the floor to find what the guards had left me. My hand landed in a mushy pile of pungent tangy slop. Instantly I felt bile rise in my throat and spit up all over the tray of food beneath me. Pulling myself back as the putrid smell overtook my senses I pushed my back flush against the farthest wall from the door.

The smell of the food alone made my stomach churn in disgust but the feeling of it filling the gaps between my fingers with its filth made me vomit the imaginary remnants of my last meal from my digestive track.

I guess that's just one other thing ARCANE fucked up about me. Before I went under I could eat well. Well enough, at least. Now, I guess after being under and only fed through an I.V for so long, I couldn't even stomach the sensation of solid food.

I've been so brainwashed for so long I didn't even realize just how fucked up my life really was in ARCANE. How fucked up ARCANE really was.

God what's become of my pitiful life?

*** 36 hours later ***

The darkness filled the space around me, engulfing my body in a senseless environment. The only sensation that affected me in my time here was the smell of the slowly rotting food. It was bad enough when it was just the smell of the food alone but now the day old food smell had my stomach turning in a constant state of nausea. Swirling upheaval out every few hours that I had to force back down.