Wild Flower

three

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chapter three
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— I GUESS I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS DIFFERENT, and i don't know if in a good or bad way. But I've always sensed it, something was wrong.

I had always felt different, an unshakable sense that something was amiss with me. While others laughed and played, i often remained quiet, observing the world with a heavy heart. It was as if i carried an invisible weight that set me apart, a sensitivity that made the laughter around me feel distant and foreign.

The sadness of my soul lingered like a shadow, whispering to me that i was not like the rest.

Making it difficult to connect with others on a deeper level. I missed out on countless opportunities for joy and adventure, often retreating into the safety of my solitude rather than embracing the world around me.

I've always felt people looking at me with a mix of curiosity and confusion. It was like they could see me on the surface but had no clue what was swirling beneath.

People never understood. They could never see beneath, my thoughts that tangled in my mind, the worries that kept me up at night.

You never know what's going on in people's mind, that something that interested me my whole life.

Everyone seemed to have their own stories, their own battles, and i longed to peek behind their walls, to understand the hidden struggles they faced.

I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe Tristan was one of those mysteries. He had a way of smiling that felt genuine, but sometimes it seemed like there was a shadow behind his eyes.

I had this thought that drove me crazy. While i felt misunderstood, perhaps everyone else was just as lost in their own complexities.

And that was my problem. I always care about everyone, and i just expect them to care as much as i do. They Don't.

And i kept doing it for the rest of my life.

My experience with people and the choices i made in life made me want to study psychology, i wanted to see through others. To really deep into their souls, and find out who they really are. I was hiding something my whole life and in some point wanted the rest to see.

No one did, and i handled it all by myself.

With Tristan i felt good. And it felt good being close to someone, being able to know someone that want you to know him. I felt wanted, and loved.

Tristan was a serious guy, he was not a child. He had this maturity that a lot of people lack, and that was beautiful to watch.

That was one of the reasons we connected like that.

He believed in doing things right. To be dependable.

He made it easy for people to trust him. He knew to thinks things through instead of just going with the flow, and i loved it.

"You always look so focused when you're studying," he once said to me, i felt my heart race. It was not just a compliment, especially not from him.

He was the embodiment of seriousness and maturity at work. There was an air of confidence about him that immediately commanded respect.

He had this ability to act like a true leader that made him stand out as a masculine man—someone who knew how to take charge without being overbearing.

He understood the importance of emotional intelligence in the workplace.

Everything about him was masculine and manly.
From the tiniest things to the biggest, and i felt so stupid to even admire this, but i did.