|fantasia h. ♡|
"we tried everything we could..."
ive been sitting at home for 2 weeks straight sobbing to myself.
i lost everybody i loved. i haven't seen or spoken to my kids in 2 whole weeks.
i haven't eaten, slept, or went to the studio since the incident. my phone died, and i haven't even charged it up to see who called or left me any messages.
i parked my car in the garage so no one would know i was home. ive been hearing knocking, but i didn't have the energy to move or talk to anyone.
ive accepted the fact that i have failed as a wife, mother, and daughter. it hurts to admit, but it's the truth, and im not gonna deny it. my wife hates me, and my kids probably do too.
it got so bad to the point where i collected all of the pills they prescribed me in the hospital and took them all at once. i was ready to end it all. it was selfish, but i had on my mind at the time, and i didn't know how else to deal with it.
this morning, i woke up and grabbed the bottle of tequila that i had sitting on my nightstand along with the 10 other empty bottles. i have been drinking and smoking the pain away. i could overdose right now, and no one would even notice.
a few hours later, i finally charged my phone up. i missed lots of calls and messages from jermaine, my mom, taraji and her parents, kelly, jen, paisley, and even halo.
j.dupri : Ayo hit me back. Haven't seen you in two weeks. Just making sure u ok, legend.
first born👩👧🤍: Hi Mommy
5 missed calls from Mi Esposa💍
mi esposa💍: The kids are expecting to see you at their important events. be there. i sent you all of the details.
first born👩👧🩷: I'm a ballerina now. Mama signed me up, and I made the team. I would love it if you came to watch me dance
second born👩👦💙: I had my first huge game today, and you didn't make it. Maybe next time?
mi esposa💍: no show. as i thought. keep your distance
mommy💜: Call me back, please. are you okay? taraji said she hadn't heard from you in weeks.
mommy💜: tasia, leave me a voicemail or something.
mommy💜: You're not responding, so now I'm even more worried. we'll be down there tomorrow
mommy💜: i love you, monique
i sighed and closed my phone. tears formed in my eyes, i took a deep gulp of the liquor and lit up a blunt. i dont see how ive been surviving because i literally have not been eating any food even after downing so much liquor. i eventually fell off to sleep.
the next day, i jumped up out of bed to vomit. i had no energy to shower whatsoever, but i took a nice cold bath to wake me up a little. i can't lie and say i didn't fall asleep in there because i did. i stepped out and felt dizzy. i wrapped a towel around my body and my hair before i went to sit down on the bed. i just threw on a bra and underwear. putting on clothes would've made me extra hot.
i looked on my stand, contemplating whether i should take the medicine in the clear packaging or not. maybe it'll help me focus or go to sleep forever. either way, it would do me justice. before i could reach for them, i heard a door open and close. i froze, waiting for whoever it was to say something else. i was a little in space from smoking so much, but i was alert.
