Dark Grey

Chapter 13: Shattered Illusions

The next morning felt like the world was moving in slow motion, each tick of the clock pounding louder in my head. I dragged myself to school, trying to shake off the weight that had settled over me. The warmth of Jimmy’s apartment, the normalcy of breakfast—it all felt like a dream now. Reality had crashed back in, harder than ever.

As I walked through the school gates, I could feel eyes on me. I kept my head down, hoping to get through the day unnoticed. But that hope shattered when I turned a corner and nearly collided with Jake. For a moment, our eyes met, and I saw something flicker in his gaze—regret, maybe. But it was gone in a flash, replaced by the cold, hardened expression I dreaded.

“Watch where you’re going, freak,” Jake spat, shoving past me. The force of the shove sent me stumbling back, but it wasn’t the physical impact that hurt. It was the way his words cut through me like a knife. His voice echoed in my mind, mixing with the memory of that night—how gentle he had been, how loving he had seemed.

I fought back tears, trying to hold myself together. I couldn’t afford to break down, not here, not now. But it felt like the walls were closing in on me, the weight of everything pressing down harder and harder.

Later, as I walked through a nearly empty hallway, Jake appeared again, stepping out from the shadows like a predator stalking its prey. My heart skipped a beat, fear and longing mixing into a bitter cocktail in my chest.

“What do you want?” I asked, my voice trembling as I tried to keep my composure.

Jake’s expression was unreadable, his eyes dark and stormy. “We need to talk,” he muttered, glancing around to make sure no one was watching.

“Talk? Now you want to talk?” I could hear the edge in my voice, the anger I hadn’t realized I was holding onto finally bubbling to the surface. “After everything you’ve done, you think we can just—”

“Shut up,” Jake hissed, his voice low but intense. He stepped closer, and I could feel the heat radiating off him, could smell the faint trace of alcohol from the previous night still on his breath. “I don’t know what the hell you think happened, but it was a mistake. I was drunk, okay? It didn’t mean anything.”

His words were like a slap to the face. I recoiled as if he had physically struck me. “A mistake? That’s all I am to you?” My voice cracked, the hurt evident in every syllable.

Jake flinched, his facade cracking for just a moment. “You don’t understand,” he whispered, but the venom was still there, the defensiveness that kept him from being vulnerable, from admitting the truth to himself. “I don’t want you, Jae. I hate that this even happened.”

I felt like the ground was crumbling beneath me. “You hate me?” I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I blinked them away, refusing to let Jake see me break.

Jake’s jaw clenched, and he looked away, unable to meet my gaze. “Just stay out of my way,” he muttered before turning and walking off, leaving me standing there, shattered.

My hands were shaking, my breath coming in short, ragged gasps as I leaned against the wall for support. The pain in my chest was overwhelming, a searing ache that I didn’t know how to make stop. I was so tired—tired of fighting, tired of feeling like I was never enough, like I was just a burden, a mistake.

I made it through the rest of the day on autopilot, barely registering anything around me. Ella tried to get me to talk during lunch, her concern evident in the way she hovered, but I couldn’t bring myself to open up. Every time she asked what was wrong, it felt like another weight was added to my already heavy heart. I could see the frustration growing in her eyes, but I just couldn’t do it—I couldn’t find the words to explain the mess that was my life.

As the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, I found myself wandering, not really knowing where I was going. My feet carried me to the old, deserted part of the school, where no one ever went anymore. I climbed the stairs to the roof, my mind in a fog.

The cold wind hit me as I stepped outside, the sky a dull gray. I walked to the edge of the roof, looking down at the ground far below. For a moment, the world was silent, all the noise in my head drowned out by the sheer height, by the thought of how easy it would be to just... step off.

But before I could spiral any further, my phone buzzed in my pocket. The sound startled me, pulling me back to reality. I pulled out my phone and saw Jimmy’s name flashing on the screen. My hands trembled as I answered the call.

“Jae? Where are you?” Jimmy’s voice was calm, but there was an undercurrent of worry that I could pick up on immediately.

“I... I’m at school,” I replied, my voice barely audible. I swallowed hard, trying to steady my breathing. “I’m fine, Jimmy.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Jimmy said softly. “I know something’s wrong. Can we meet up? I’m on my way.”

I nodded even though Jimmy couldn’t see me. “Okay,” I whispered.

As I ended the call, I took a deep breath and stepped back from the edge, my heart pounding in my chest. I wasn’t ready to give up—not yet. Jimmy was coming, and that was something to hold onto. Maybe I didn’t have all the answers, and maybe the pain wasn’t going to go away, but for now, I just needed to take it one step at a time.

I made my way down from the roof, my mind still a whirlwind, but there was a flicker of hope in the darkness. It was faint, almost impossible to see, but it was there—thanks to Jimmy.