Journal<3

What is my purpose? 🙂

Finished this today<3

Am I a scapegoat? Bc sometimes I feel like it...I also am tired of being the happy person all of the time. I just can't anymore
I wanna be someone to enjoy being around but also be happy at the same time. I wanna feel like I have more than one purpose in my existence,I wanna be someone ,I wanna be looked up to and seen as someone to be proud of.

I also don't wanna be used as a place for venting,but then in return I get ignored when venting and told to get over it( I got triggered by sh scars that were fresh and the friend had them out with short sleeves, and I'm not mad at her bc it's their decision but they didn't want any attention brought to it:(  )

I also enjoy being a person being vented to,but at least respond back to me when I need it myself.
I mean I just had an interaction with A and I can't even tell if I was someone he trusted or he just chose because I'm just there.
It's probably just me being dramatic but it hurts ok? "Thank you and all that" kinda sounds like it doesn't it?
I hope you all understand where im coming from here, I feel like I am talking to a wall constantly and there's no purpose in it anymore.

In all honesty too, I don't even know if real love is a thing anymore, or reciprocated love,it feels just like hugging air. It's like hugging an inanimate object and knowing it'll never hug back.
It reminds me of my past relationships (the ones considered that) where I feel like I was wanted because of my body,or just in general not being interested in me at all and leaving early,too early for me to process.

Real question, is love real or am I just pushing myself to believe I'm feeling it?
Ik it sounds cringy but I just don't know anymore.

Love y'all,
Mj💚