to you | h. rindou

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To you:

               i would much rather write "Dear Y/n," but i honestly find it really corny. it's been little over a month since i last saw you. i still regret what i did but im glad you finally left me, you deserve it. anyways ive been seeing a therapist, her name is Irina. shes kind of weird and sounds like an influencer but shes helpful. i never really believed in therapy and i never thought i needed help but when i saw how hurt you looked it kinda set something off in me. i never want to hurt anyone, especially you like that ever again. i've been impatient and trying to rush the process of "finding my true authentic self and healing my inner child" (irinas words, disgusting) but she told me to never rush it because otherwise i wont truly become better.

              there are times when i just want to quit and sabotage everything. drugs are honestly tempting so is every bad thing you hate about me but you're my only source of motivation. i think about you, what i did to you, how happy you looked when i was "okay", and how sad you looked when i was not okay. youre the only thing that's keeping me going. i love you and i miss you.

             letters are corny but irina told me if i wrote letters to you it could help with closure and the urge to just rush everything and skip steps. she's right, it helps kind of otherwise i'd have already burned this paper and yelled at ran. anyway, i hope to see you again. i honestly don't want to say "from rindou" at the bottom cus it's corny. so u get what u get lolzies!!

  From me

To you:

             i think i may have an addiction writing letters to you. you probably won't ever read them. ill never move on from you. it's been a year and i write these stupid letters once a week or more. i'll never find anyone like you again. i miss you.

            i haven't heard about you since a year ago. nobody really brings you up infront of me, i think they're scared. i overheard ran talking to izana, they were saying it was strange how different i became since you left. they speculate that you were the bad person, that despite everything that went down you were somehow the one tainting me. that just means that i am getting better, that i have. i'm sorry i couldn't defend your name. it pissed me off a lot but the box breathing method irina taught me works wonders, i'll teach it to you when i see you again. if it ever comes up again, ill let ran know you're the reason im getting better. you have such a great impact on me that even though i haven't spoke to you or seen you in a year, you continue to motivate me.

          i'm sure you might be a bit surprised you never hear of me or see me. i know you cut contact with most people in your friend group and you even cut aria off, shes really upset about it. she keeps crying, it's annoying. anyway i make sure to never go near the bar, your house, anyone of your friends house, any restaurant or bar that isn't under bonten i avoid. i don't want you to see me because i wanted to see you. when im ready, you'll know.

         i know i mentioned in my past letters i cut lisa off.  i should've done it sooner, shes a pest. every girl besides you is so annoying i have no interest in them. this may be tmi but i have not had sex in a year. please save me i am DYING!! anyways i just jerk off to you i hope thats not creepy and if it is, take it as a token of my love.

also I got a cat. shes a ragdoll kitten and shes so cute. i was just gonna give her away but she reminded me of you so i couldn't. i also named her angel because she looks so much like you. i hope she'll get to meet you sometime.

From me

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Rindou folds his arms, tapping his finger on his elbow he rolls his eyes in annoyance.