Two sides of a different coin (Rusame)

My Boyfriend Doom

   "America?" "Yes?" "Thank you for taking care of me," I said. He smiled. "Of course, my little rose," he replied. I felt my cheeks turn hot, and I felt something I've never felt before. "Can we go to McDonald's again," I ask. I vividly thought about taking him to my house and cuddling him. With his arms wrapped around me. "Of course, rose," he said. I smiled joyfully. Even with all the love, there was a part of me that felt guilty. I shouldn't be in this school. I'm using his money illegally for this. I can't even tell him or my siblings to lose their education opportunity. I care about America more than anyone else I've met. I don't want him to be hurt, or worse leave me. I stopped smiling. All I could think of was if he found out. "Russia? Are you good?" "Yea," I lied.

I don't ever want to break up with him. Yet, it's becoming more possible. He has many other people he could hang out with. He's always had many friends, who would care about him. He could easily replace me. "Are you sure there's nothing on your mind? You're pretty quiet." "Yes, I'm sure I'm just tired"," I reassured him. "Alright I'm here if you need anything," America said. I wish I could tell him, but I just can't.

***

We walked to McDonald's like he said we would. "I'm so glad you are in my life," America said. "Me too," I said. What I didn't add is I need him. If he's not around, I'll starve. If he wasn't around, I would have no one. My siblings have their own issues. America held my hand, but it didn't feel how it normally does. I didn't feel as much of a spark. I felt more of a feeling that our relationship is doomed. It's all going to be over one day. I really don't want that to happen, but I really think it will.

We walked into the building and ordered. I sat down and looked at my burger. Am I just using him at this point? He doesn't deserve that. I bit into my burger looking at the wrapper rather than him. "Are you sure something isn't wrong," he asked. I nodded. The burger doesn't taste as good when I feel like I'm just using him. I don't really deserve this. "I'm not hungry do you want it?" "Are you sure," he looked concerned. "Yes, I'm sure." "Could you promise me you will eat today?" "Um... yes," I lied. I knew I probably couldn't when I got home. I still looked at my wrapper. It hurt more to look at him. I really care about him. If I wanted to stay forever, I shouldn't do this. I didn't want to be here anymore. "America, can I go home now? I have um... chores." The chores were a lie, but I hoped he believed it. "Sure," America said. He called his driver.

***

I walked into my house. "May I ask why you've been late to be home almost every day," USSR asked. My heart started beating faster. "I was just studying with my friends China, and North!" "I asked them, and they haven't seen you in days. Tell me the truth." "They are lying," I doubled down. USSR seems to look more annoyed. "You know what? Since you want to keep lying, go to your room." I walked upstairs to my room. I sigh at the closed door. I plopped onto my bed. This is a very bad boring day.

I stared at my desk for ideas. I looked at my scissors. I'm sure I have paper and a pencil somewhere. I started digging under my bed and found old assignments. I picked up the scissors. I don't really care what comes out of this. I started cutting up the paper to make something. Yet, it failed. I threw away my failed paper. There's really nothing to do. I set the scissors down and looked for anything else. I still had my piano. I sat at the seat and started playing. I always play this. This is all I have. This is better than any human could be.

***

I walked into the bus, and sat next to America like I usually do. "Hey Russia," America said softly. "Hello." I hoped he didn't notice how guilty I was yesterday. My stomach growled, betraying my lie. "Russia," he turned to look at me, "you didn't eat, did you?" America's face fell. He started digging in his backpack for some food. I felt guilty again. "America, you don't have to!" "I'm not letting my boyfriend starve," he said. He pulled out a back of chips. "Please eat them." He opened the bag and gave it back. I picked up a chip and ate it. I started eating the chips fast. I fished them rapidly. America put his arm around me. "Are you still hungry," he asked. "Yeah," I admitted.