Unspoken

Chapter One

"Mother, please!"
Blurry vision, the sight of her fading away far too quickly... What was happening?
"Do you believe the lives of our soldiers mean less than your father's and my own?"
Even though I could see nothing, and she was gone her words still echoed within my mind. She'd asked me such a thing knowing very well what my answer would be.
I do. Of course I do.
I wanted to reject all this pain, I wanted to block out these memories of my mother; her gleaming golden armor, the pained smile she'd given me just before leaving our nation in my care.
Stop this... Stop this!

"Be good while we're gone, Phoenix. Take care of your sister. You can manage watching over the clan for a while, right?"
No, I cannot! I need you here!

"You have always been destined to lead this clan."
I do not believe in destinies, you know that!

I wanted to scream those words. I wanted to yell at my mother, to tell her everything I felt, to unleash the years of pent-up grief and rage. Most importantly, I wanted to tell her how much I missed her. Nevertheless, I could not do any of those things, not within a mere dream.
I am powerless, I always have been... Like flipping a switch my surroundings changed. I was no longer under a veil of darkness but instead found myself standing in the center of a freezing room. The walls had crumbled long ago, that was obvious... But my vision was fuzzy, the details hard to make out. Scorch marks, I could see scorch marks... Had the room been burned from the inside out? Broken glass, ashes...
Why am I here?

Feeling choked by the scent of not just smoke and ash stagnant in the air but iron as well, which could have only been blood... I looked towards the last thing in the room I had yet to survey. It was an image of sorts, and it portrayed the exact scene I'd just witnessed a minute ago: the final time I'd seen my mother. I tried to reach out to the image, but the moment I'd started taking in the details of my mother's face, the edges of it began smoldering, far too quickly for me to make it stop. Before I even knew it, I was holding a small pile of ashes. The image had disappeared, there was no sign of seeing my mother's face again.
Everything—everyone is still gone—so why do I still...
A cold teardrop rolling down my cheek, complimented by a cold realization as I awoke. It was simply ironic that only a dream could make me feel this way now. I groaned as I forced myself to awake, though my body was fighting me. I felt more like lead weight, rather human. Now laying on my back, I didn't find the view very pleasing. Bland, water-damaged wood planks made up my ceiling, which wasn't exactly the most thrilling sight. And there it was again, the sound of rain thrashing against the roof. It was a dull hum to my ears; clatter I was unfortunately all too used to.

Of course. Why would the rain ever give pause here?
I blinked, trying to pull my mind out of the thick and hazy fog—which was equally familiar—a feeling that compelled me to simply lay here in this cold room for the rest of my time. I supposed that though my dark garnet eyes were usually sharp with focus, reflecting the spirit of flames ready to destroy anything they wanted... By now even they had lost their fervor. If I could see myself, I was sure I would see an unfocused gaze that would surely mirror the bitter chill in the air, which annoyingly stung my skin.

It's no surprise, considering how far I've allowed myself to fall.
I felt a slight twinge of emotion as I lingered on that thought. I hadn't even meant to think of them, but somehow the distant and blurred memories from the dream drifted to mind. They were coming into focus, yet also threatening to slip away at a rapid pace, and this was somewhat frustrating for me. Darkness, all I could remember was darkness, and—

And my mother's voice.
What was it she'd said? What had I recalled to ensue such emotion? I wanted to know, I wanted to remember, if only because it was so rare to feel something like this.