the Shrek bible

Shrek story 2

[A light shines down on a same storybook from . It opens, and an English-accented voice (Prince Charming) turns the pages and reads it this time.]

Prince Charming: Once upon a time in a kingdom far far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. And throughout the land, everyone was happy. Until the sun went down, and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother; who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss of the handsome Prince Charming!

[Book transitions to , wearing a and red cape, riding on horseback. He rides through a forest, snowy mountains and barren desert]

Prince Charming: It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the .

EXT. - DRAGON'S KEEP

[Prince Charming arrives at the Dragon's Keep, an ominous castle surrounded by a moat of lava, but sees that the wooden bridge leading across the lava was destroyed by the Dragon from the first movie. Charming uses his bow to shoot a roped arrow to a wooden post on the other side and uses it as a zipline. He looks up at a tower that rises above the rest of the castle, a light shining from its window. He enters the Dragon's Keep]

INT. - DRAGON'S KEEP

Prince Charming: For he was the bravest...

[Prince Charming takes off his helmet, revealing himself to be the narrator's voice. He continues to speak aloud]

Prince Charming: ...and most handsome...

[He takes off his hair net and dramatically swishes his hair]

Prince Charming: ...in all the land. And it was destiny that his kiss...

[He sprays air freshener in his mouth]

Prince Charming: ...would break the dreaded curse.

[Prince Charming continues through the abandoned castle and reaches the ]

INT. - THE PRINCESS'S TOWER

[He enters the princess' room and makes his way to her bed where a figure lays down, obscured by the bed's curtains]

Prince Charming: He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her--

[Prince Charming pulls the curtain and gasps; the figure is no princess--it's . He is annoyed by the interruption]

Big Bad Wolf: What?

Prince Charming: ?

Big Bad Wolf: No!

Prince Charming: Oh, thank heavens. Where is she?

Big Bad Wolf: She's on her honeymoon.

Prince Charming: Honeymoon?! With whom?!

----

[We see various scenes from and Fiona's honeymoon with the music "Accidentally in Love" by Counting Crows playing. They enter a giant gingerbread house and spend the night there. In the morning, knocks on the door, fleeing in terror after Shrek and Fiona answer the door. They take the basket she left and have a picnic on the beach. A wave crashes over Shrek and Fiona as they make out in the sand and the takes Fiona's place. Fiona drags the mermaid by the tail, and throws her into the sea into a group of sharks. Later, Shrek has some forge Fiona's wedding ring. They run happily through a meadow where an angry mob emerges, chasing after them. Shrek gets caught a trap and villagers surround Fiona, who fends them off. They take turns farting in a mud bath, using fairies trapped in jars for light. They kiss in the moonlight, transitioning to...