Dragon Age origins: What is now lost.

Alistair's Queen.

Part one:
After the battle of Denerim, I had to regain my wits. I reflected on the fact that Morrigan had saved us. I guess I thought about the ritual a lot more than I should have. Alistair and I promised that the ritual was in the past. I just couldn't help thinking about the fact that Morrigan was having Alistair's child. I may have even been jealous. Grey wardens cannot have children and Alistair needs an heir. I am not even sure that I trust Morrigan's word. I wondered if she would one day gather an army of chasent and come after the throne.
Eamon's tone was of annoyance, when he realized that I hadn't heard a single word that he said. The royal wedding was in one week and then I would become Queen of Ferelden.
"You need to stay focused, Lady Cousland. Alistair needs both of us." Eamon was always kind to me. Maybe he felt that he owed me some sort of debt considering that I found the urn of sacred ashes and saved his son. I still couldn't get past the fact that he wouldn't call me by my first name.
"My apologies, Arl Eamon. Its been harder for me to pay attention these days."
I knew that I had responsibilities as queen, but all I really wanted to be was Alistair's wife. It was my idea to rule by Alistair's side. I couldn't let him lose everything he loved. He loved being a grey warden, but he gave it up to be king.
Alistair and I shared a special bond during the blight. He lost Duncan and I lost my family. We needed to lean on eachother and we had eachothers' backs. I guess, when we returned to Ostagar all those emotions were unable to held back. There was of course the rose. I had a mage preserve it for me, but that first kiss was the thing that made him my entire world.
"Anora wants an audience with you." I realized that I was zoning Eamon out again and Anora's name made my ears hurt.
I grew up with Anora, although she had a couple years on me. She was my rival in every way. She was always close with my mother, which was fine with me. My mom always wanted a dainty, ladylike daughter and I would never have been that girl. Anora was also the most conniving daddy's girl that I had ever met. Loghain spoiled her and as an adult she did whatever she could to get what she wanted.
"I will go right now. Tell Alistair that I should be back soon." I literally would have done anything to get out of Eamon's estate at that moment.
"My lady, we still have much to discuss." Arl Eamon called to me, but I was already gone.
I convinced Eamon and Alistair that Anora should be put under house arrest. Eventhough the writing was written on the wall, she was still assured that she was going to get her throne back. Valendrian had her in a spare room in the Arl of Denerim's estate. I made sure that she was always under heavy guard.
"Hello Anora." She somehow always kept every hair in place. Her room smelled of flowery bath salts.
"So you did come, Amber? I am totally surprised." She was up to something.
"I recognize your position as the widowed queen and as the late Teryn's daughter." I was keen on not being pulled into one of Anora's games.
"That's more than I recognize your titles, hero of Fereldon."
"Titles are nothing, when you haven't proven you are worthy of them." I retorted.
"How much is the head of an archdemon worth these days anyway?" She examined the back of her hand.
"Would you rather I had left it well enough alone? You would be dead. The country would be blighted. Maker, you really have a one track mind."
"That isn't what I meant and you know it Amber Cousland." Anora snapped.
"Do I? I don't even know why you wanted me to come."
"I want my freedom, My birthright."
"Then pledge your allegiance to Alistair."
"You mean pledge my allegiance to you. I know who the puppeteer is."
"I think you should look in the mirror, Anora. Alistair has a mind of his own!" I snapped.
"You always were quick to defend that idiot!"
"I cannot give you your freedom. You have no respect for Alistair. You are a threat. I shall leave, for I have nothing to give you." I got up and go out of the room.
"You will live to regret this, Amber Cousland!" She called after me.
I decided to get lost for a bit. Denerim was a good place for that. Alistair was meeting with the lords of the land all day. I missed him. His day's were Fereldon's and his night's wouldn't be mine until our wedding.
Some of the city was still being rebuild from the attack. I walked carelessly into someone.
"Sorry." I looked at Wynne.
"I was just looking for you." She said.
"Eamon sent you, didn't he?"
"He said that you wouldn't want to return to the estate."
"He's right." I replied.
"You have responsibilities, now."
"I always had responsibilities. I killed the archdemon. This is totally different than that."
"Yes it is, but you have to this for Alistair. I wouldn't want to see either of you hurt." Wynne stayed in Denerim to help advise Alistair.
"What if I become Howe?"
"Is that what this is all about? You really never had a chance to grieve for your parents. Have you been back to Highever?" Wynne walks with me.
"No. I don't know if I could ever go back. There's so much pain there."
"There are also warm and fond memories of a lost childhood."
"Fergus said that I should come. His wife and son died there. It couldn't have been easy for him either."
"I've also noticed that you have been avoiding Amaranthine." Wynne read me easily.
"I didn't have time to think about them, when the pressure was on me to save the world."
"You need to face their loss and let it go. They will always be with you."
I got back to Eamon's estate and went into the room that I was staying in, until I moved into the castle. I rooted through a drawer and found the reflection. I kept it from the urn of sacred ashes. No matter how long I look at my father's calming face, it didn't bring him back.
A knock on the door alerts me out of my daydream. "Yes!"
Alistair walked into the room like a dream. He came behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "You look lovely, my dear."
"I thought you were meeting with that bann." I tried to remember his name.
"I finished early. Wynne said you were down. I thought I would cheer you up." He takes my hand and kisses it.
"You always cheer me up." I pull him onto the sofa next to me.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"I miss my parents. My mom would have been so proud. My father and you would have gotten along so well." I started crying. It felt like all the feelings that I had bottled inside were flowing out of me like waterfall. Alistair held me and stroked my hair.
"You and I will face their deaths together, when your ready. Just like you helped me with Duncan. I love you, Amber."
"I love you too."
The week quickly passed by. Leliana came from Orlais to be my maid of honor. She helped me lace the back of my dress up. She covered my face with the veil.
"You look beautiful! The hero of Fereldon is finally getting what she wants." Leliana hugs me.
"I heard Zevran even came."
Leliana took me to Fergus. He kisses my cheek. "You know little sister, I never thought this day would come. You always said you would never get married."
"That was before I met Alistair." I was so happy that my brother was here.
"Father would have been so proud. I wish he could have seen you as the woman you have grown into." Fergus smiled.
"Fergus, don't let go of me. I don't know why I'm so scared. I killed a bloody archdemon and I'm scared of getting married to a man that I love."
I just don't want anything to change. What If he ends up hating me or regretting me. I can't give him a child. I pull myself together.
I walk down the isle. The ceremony is too lavish for my tastes, but I am marrying a king. I see familiar faces in the crowd and strangers.
I was handed to Alistair, who was obviously impressed by me.
"My love." He greeted me.
"Dearest."
The ceremonies started. Whatever fear was there left as soon as I saw his face.
"Does anyone object to this union?" The revered mother paused, before continuing. "Do you Alistair Therin take Amber Lynn Cousland as your wife?"
"I do." He blushed.
"Do you Amber Lynn Cousland take Alistair Therin as your husband?" It wasn't even a question.
"I do."
"I now pronounce you King and Queen. King Alistair, you may now kiss the bride."
For a few moments, Alistair and I got lost in eachothers touch. Our kiss made us forget, that other people were in the room.
The reception went well. I saw Zevran. Oghren was drunk, but what did I expect. I'm fairly certain that Wynne cried. Leliana sang. It was fun.
When I finally got to sleep, I had a dream. It wasn't the kind of dream that grey wardens get, it was a different dream. No darkspawn, no tainted land, just castle Cousland.
I was looking from afar at myself. Maybe eleven or twelve. I wandered the halls and found that the door to the great hall was cracked. I heard two voices. They were like a memory, distinct and dark. I peaked in and it was Howe and my father. They were drinking and talking by the hearth. I ran into the room and yelled. "Father! You are betrayed!" Both he and the Arl laughed as if I was crazy. I was forced out of the room.
I waited until I heard silence to go back into the room. I found Arl Howe standing over my father's bloody body. My father was cold and dead on the ground. The Arl grinned with his wicked teeth. "This is my legacy now. The legacy of the Howes. The Cousland's are ancient history." He snickered.
I fought aimlessly, but he overpowered me. I saw my own body laying next to my father's.
I awoke covered in a cold sweat. I reached for Alistair and he clasped his hand into mine.
"I must have slept through it. I never sleep through those dreams." Alistair looked puzzled.
"It wasn't a warden dream. I need to go to highever. I need to face this. A problem not challenged is one that will badger me for ages."
"We travel to highever during our honeymoon. Duncan's memorial shall be finished soon. I am by your side, my dearest
wife."
"And I am by yours." I laid on his chest. He drifted back to sleep as my thoughts pressed against my skull.