Dragon Age origins: What is now lost.

Amber's desires

Part four:
It felt like I was waking up with a hangover. My eyes took a moment to open. I rubbed my soar head. I was nestled in an ocean of blankets. Abyssal laid across my legs. I patted him on the head. I pushed my hair out of my face.
I rolled out of bed and pulled on my armor. I pulled my red hair back into a sloppy bun and went out to the great hall.
His scowl gave him away. Nathaniel Howe. My rival since I could walk.
"Did you run out of people to torment in Amaranthine?" I asked.
"Trust me. You are the last person that I wanted to spend the day with. Father said we had too." At the mention of Howe, I couldn't help but get nervous.
"I'll stay scarce for your benefit." I pushed against his shoulder as hard as I can.
"Pup!" My father called me over. "Pay your respects to Arl Howe."
"Greetings Arl Howe." I bowed as I came to my senses. Howe was planning to murder my parents. "Would you join me on the field? I have always wanted to duel an old war hero." I planned sneakily.
We clanked our blades against eachother. To Howe it was just a game, but to me it was revenge. Each strike of mine was violent and ruthless. I kicked him back and put my foot on his neck. I brought my blade up ready to strike. I realized that this blow could prevent my parents death.
"Do it Amber! He took your family from you. Replace that reality with a new one." A coarse voice told me. I pulled my blade over my head and got ready to relieve Howe of his life.
"Amber, what are you doing?" My mother called out to me.
"I have to do this! You won't die!"
"If you kill my father, I'll tear you apart!" Nathaniel spat.
"Do you think that I would hesitate to kill you?" I retorted angrily. My face was in an insane looking grin. "Your father took my family from me, he deserves the same fate!" I shook the blade in my hand. I brought my blade to right above his neck and stopped.
"Amber." The honey voice from my dreams whispered. "Amber. Think this through."
"He deserves to die!" I screeched. All of the nightmares and the pain flooded back into my mind. "I need to do this! I need peace!" Tears rolled down my cheeks.
"Do you think this will give you peace? Do not remember just the pain, but the good memories too."
I thought long and hard. If I killed Howe, I became the murderer. He hadn't wronged me yet. I think deeper. If I hadn't left castle cousland, I would be dead. I never would have become a grey warden. I never would have met Alistair. Alistair may have had to face the blight alone. The Archdemon could have destroyed the world. My parents told me to leave them for a reason. They knew that I had a special purpose in this world and I should have respected that.
I dropped the sword. "You aren't worth it, Howe. I am glad you end up a failure." I walked away.
"Good Amber." The honey voice responded.
"So you want to play hard ball, Amber." Jessalyn's face appeared in a cloud of dark smoke. With the sound of her finger snap, I was in a different room. "Mind games will not work, so how about a deal?"
I heard a crying baby. I saw myself holding him. Alistair stood next to me with a look of pride upon his face. "Let's name him Duncan."
"Yes." He kissed me on the lips as I agreed.
"See this, Amber? This happy family could be yours. I can make you have a baby."
"Grey wardens cannot have children." I snapped.
"Magic can fix that. Trust me."
"No! I will never trust you!" I yelled.
"Look at the alternative."
I see Alistair and I little boy and another woman. The child has Alistair's face and her eyes. The boy is obviously not my child.
"He is Maric's son. They have the same blood. Alistair would become his father out of desperation. He needs an heir. It isn't required to be your heir."
"Alistair and I are stronger than that. He would never love another woman, just as I would never love another man."
"Didn't he? What about that bratty, young chasent mage? Selfish little Amber. You aren't looking at the big picture. Imagine things." With a snap of her finger, we changed scenes again.
I saw Morigan and her son with an army marching on Fereldon. Anora also has an army. They were trying to usurp Alistair's throne.
"Don't you see? Your efforts would have been wasted. It would be another civil war, the moment Alistair died. That is a lot of pieces to put back together. If you had an heir, he would be strong and wise. The country would never have to worry again."
"I would never let you touch me! I would never bring a child blessed by a demon into this world!" I struggled.
"You are hard to break, but I will. It will be so much fun watching you shrivel up like your precious Alistair."
"Let him go!" I demanded again and again.
"Never. This is to much fun. We need a change in atmosphere." She snapped her fingers. "How do we get into Amber's pretty little head?"
"What does the castle in Denerim have to do with anything?" I asked bitterly.
"You are a stubborn one. What can I expect from someone, whose already been in the fade? I have a better proposal for you." She waved her hand in the air. "How about a life without being royal. You married the man for the man and not for his crown. You hate it. You have never been very formal, neither has he. You are an excellent diplomat, but a better soldier. Wouldn't you rather be saving people? You hated arrange marriages, because they strapped you down. You are strapped down in a marriage for love too."
"Stop! I have a duty to Fereldon."
"Alistair has to take long walks to avoid the throne room. He hates it. Look."
She shows me Alistair and I in the deep roads killing Darkspawn. It was what I pictured, when I first became a grey warden. Just fighting my way through a Darkspawn hoard. Ever since I was a little girl, the grey wardens were my heroes.
"Am I interrupting a thought? Take my offer. I promise to put somebody safe on the throne."
"I thought you wanted to give me an heir to secure my throne? What is it that you want, Jessalyn? Money, a crown, gratitude from your master?" I growled at her.
"I have no master!" I could see that she was lying.
"Face me, Demon! Isn't that easier than these games?" I dared her.
"These games are much more fun, Amber Cousland."
"Let's play one of my games now! Face me, so that I can kill you! Demons really are getting cowardly these days!"
"Very well then. You are no fun." A desire demon appears, before my eyes.
I pull out my blade and she shoots a bolt of hot magic at me. I feel it sting my thigh. I throw my blade and it lands in her skull.. She cried out a deathly scream and vanished in a cloud of black dust. I thought that she was dead.
"Amber! Amber!" That honey voice called.
"Show yourself, please." I called back.
A spirit appeared. Her skin was a pale blue. Her eyes were a fluorescent red. She smiled. I took a step back, even though she helped me.
"Hello Amber. I am Niniel. I am spirit of
regret."
"I didn't know spirits of regret existed."
"We are often forgotten about. You did well resisting Jessalyn."
"I thought demons usually only targeted mages."
"Jessalyn is a desire demon. She is using your regret to make you see what you desire to happen. Such as that you wish Howe was prevented from killing your family. She is also using other desires such as that you wanted a baby."
"What about the other's?" I asked.
"Jessalyn is possesed by multiple demons. I believe your friends are all being attacked by different demons. You killed the desire demon. You must help them fend off the other demons too. Then, you must slay Jessalyn."
"How do I help them? I'm not even sure where I am."
"You are in the fade. I can take you to your friends unconscious thoughts. Let me help you." I realized that she was my only hope, so I agreed.
I heard her say something, then I was somewhere knew. I felt the heat upon my skin and listened to the sounds of rage.