Butchered Beasts 1: Darren & EJ

Chapter 25

EJ POV

"Hello, my lord," I said, every word dripping with sarcasm. He smirked at me. Taking the final step so he was standing in my doorway, taking up damn near every inch of it with his massive form. I wanted to still be mad at him, but I wasn't. I was just irritated. If I was honest with myself. But I wasn't going to let him know that. I kept my face neutral.

"Do I get a chance to explain my side, before I'm written off?" He asked, leaning up against the door jam in that sexy way that guys do. Leaning on his shoulder, legs, and arms crossed, a sexy half smile on his face. Damn him for being so good-looking! Not sure how they pull off such a simple move and are somehow about to make it an instant panty dropper. It made him look even bigger and more imposing in my room. His arms and chest looked almost double in size. I tried not to stare too much or too hard. It was a difficult challenge, but I did it. I crossed my arms, taking a deep breath, knowing that I had to stand my ground.

No one was going to stand up for me, so I had to stand up for myself. I'm a badass woman, like that song Hunter sent me.

I just stared at him as indifferently as I could, and popped a hip out, keeping my arms crossed. If he wanted to talk, he could. But I wouldn't ask for the details. I didn't want to know now. I wanted him to come to me when he was in the shit, knowing as a friend, I'd be there for him. He rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the floor, quickly losing his confidence.

That's right Lord of the Dumbasses. You don't get to drop me and pick me up when you want. I'm not a toy, nor someone to be toyed with.

"So, I got a phone call about two weeks ago from Destiny. She started in on her sob story, and I cut her off, not wanting to hear her shit. I knew she'd been fucking her boss while she was with me. Anyway, she tried to pin her pregnancy on me. I was confident it wasn't mine for two reasons," his voice, becoming more confident as he talked, "The first is, I always used protection with her. With every woman I've ever been with really. I'd always promised myself I'd only go raw with the love of my life if I ever met her. There couldn't be any possible way for it to be mine. Also, and this," he looked a little less confident, looking at the floor and then back up at me. The vulnerability in his eyes was real and raw, "I can't have kids. I was in an accident when I was younger, and as a result, I'm sterile."

My eyes widened. I know they did. Shit. I mean to keep my face neutral. The vulnerability in his face, the hurt on it when my eyes widened made me think I wasn't the first person he'd told who reacted this way. Did they hurt him because of something out of his control? There are other ways to be a dad and to have a family.

"The last couple of weeks, I've been fixing shit that Destiny and my ex, Ashley fucked up when they opened a new phone and tablet under my account. When you showed me those texts I never got? That was them. I've been putting out fires left and right, still. I also had to go get two tests done. Two paternity tests, one from her lab of choice and one for the lab the club uses for testing. Then I had to go get another sperm count to be sure the count was still zero, or close enough to zero that there was a less than 0.01% chance of conception."

My heart was breaking for him. I could see that the results, while wanted in this particular instance, were something that hurt him deeply. He looked like this had pained him for a long time, and it only hurt telling people. I'd seen how he was with my children. I'd seen how sweet and loving he was. Always showing them how to work with tools safely, or him and the other guys running around with them on their lunch breaks while I'm sitting on the back patio, taking five minutes of 'me time'. He stood up off of the door jam, taking a tentative step towards me.

"This, um," he shifted the weight between his feet, "this isn't something I tell just anyone," another step forward, "Especially not this one particular beautiful woman I'm hoping to date after building a friendship with her," two more steps, "Not being able to have kids is usually a deal breaker for most people." He was standing directly in front of me, looking my right in the eyes. His eyes swirled with emotions. He was trying his hardest to blink away the glassy look that was taking hold of him.

My hands moved on their own. Uncrossing themselves and wrapping around his neck, pulling him down to me, hugging him. I closed my eyes, standing up on my tiptoes, trying to bridge the height gap, sinking into the hug. Pouring everything I had into it. I felt him flinch quickly before he melted into my embrace. His arms moved around my waist, one moving up my back, pressing me tightly to him. We stayed silent like that for a few moments, when I heard a tiny sniffle. I opened my eyes, squeezing him tighter, feeling him tighten his hold on me in response. 

An ache in my chest that he needed this hug more than either of us I think knew. I whispered into his ear, hoping he understood what I was trying to tell him. On all levels.

"There is nothing wrong with you not being able to have biological children. If you want to be a Dad, if you want them, you will have them one day. You just need to work for it. I can't have any more children either. Having Emery almost killed me," I felt him flinch at that, holding me tighter still. "I know that someone will love you, just the way you are." Because you're amazing. And...

We'd known each other for less than a year. Less than six months. Closer to five if I really thought about it. But I knew. Something deep inside me knows. I just didn't know how to voice that to him. 

Not yet. Keep it in just a little longer. 

Please.

Please understand what I can't tell you yet.