Mum, I'm sick, I would say to get out of school so I could stay home and watch my favorite show in bed with my cats. I never thought I would ever actually be "sick"
Mum, I'm sick, I still say I'm sick but it's not to watch television it's to stay away from peering eyes, insults thrown in my direction the delivers not knowing how it sticks to my brain like gum underneath a table.
Abbey, I'm sick, I said to my therapist once she thought I meant I wanted to go home,I wasn't that type of "sick" it wasn't a cold or a headache it was my soul hoping for the help I've needed for years, ever since I was young I've been "sick"
Please I'm sick, I said on suicide helpline I wanted help I asked for help but they had a busy line, I attempted that day. It didn't work I'm still here.
I'm still alive I'm still "sick"
Mum, I'm sick, I write on a folded piece of paper containing my last ever thoughts the last words I ever wanted to say, the words I've said so many times but been ignored I was born sick I am sick I would have always been "sick"
Mum, I'm gone.
It didn't work I'm still here like the last 10 times, why is it so hard to die? Why is life so hard to abandon, all I ever wanted is to be dead.
Mum, I'm sick, I will always be sick I can't not be sick, I lay in bed listening to music writing a book of all the sad things I can think of I put my pain in a book but there's still so much left in my heart and it will never be gone.
Mum, I'm sorry, I've been cutting myself since I was young probably nine to ten is when I started I just needed an escape everything was going wrong and it still is I can't let go of the past, I can't abandon the pain it brings me the pain I hate but love, the pain that reminds me of my childhood. When will it be better? When I'm dead.
