You didn't notice, but the signs were there. My mum never noticed my depression but she noticed my attitude, she never noticed my accomplishments but she noticed when I failed.
She can see all the bad stuff but not the worst stuff, it was two weeks ago that I told her I was suicidal, it was two weeks ago she told me to do it.
She didn't notice but the signs were there, she didn't notice my eating disorder bit she noticed how much gum I ate, she didn't notice how bad my anxiety is but she noticed that my friendships never last long. It was seven months ago I tried to kill myself, it was seven months ago I cut my hair, the same day I cut my hair I tried to kill myself, she said I was being dramatic and that she wasn't taking me to the hospital, I could have died and I don't know to be glad or upset that I'm still here today.
You didn't notice but the signs were there, my friends never noticed but I think that's because they don't care, I'm loved but not liked. I'm the floater friend when I'm having a conversation with someone and there main friend comes they leave, they don't say goodbye that don't message first and if I don't, we only talk at school. It was yesterday that my friend said she wanted to walk alone and be alone, half an hour later I saw her with another friend she didn't want to be alone she wanted me to be alone.
I don't get why everyone's so judgemental all the time, I don't mean the being left out I mean the insults they disguise as jokes all the small things cluck together and I realize how much I'm loved but not liked, I realize now that I need new friends that I need help that I'm not okay.
You didn't notice and I will never forgive you for that.
