When We Were Us [BxB]

Rainy

The rain began as a soft drizzle, barely more than a mist that clung to the air, making everything hazy and dreamlike. By mid-afternoon, the sky darkened, and the clouds gave way, pouring sheets of warm summer rain over São João. The rhythmic patter of water against rooftops filled the streets with puddles, the world outside blurring behind a steady curtain of rain.

Lucas stood by the window, watching the storm, feeling as though the beach—so familiar, so comforting—was suddenly unreachable behind the downpour. Inside, the warmth of the house was a stark contrast to the chaos outside. The air was thick with the smell of damp earth, mingling with the fading scent of coffee from earlier. Behind him, Matheus and Isadora were sprawled on the couch, their laughter occasionally rising above the soft murmur of the rain.

Lucas pressed his forehead against the cool glass, closing his eyes. The rain mirrored his own mood—a relentless weight pressing down, thoughts swirling like the storm outside. Isadora's voice, animated and bright, filtered through the room, but her words blurred, indistinct. All Lucas could focus on was the shift in his life that had come without warning—the way he had gone from being Matheus's closest friend to feeling like a stranger in his own story.

A burst of laughter behind him snapped Lucas from his thoughts. He turned just in time to see Matheus toss a pillow at Isadora, her laugh echoing off the walls as she caught it mid-air. The two of them seemed so natural together, so effortlessly at ease in each other's company. Yet, even as they smiled, something felt off, as if Matheus wasn't fully there—like part of him was holding back, somewhere far away.

Isadora stretched, her arms reaching high above her head, her coily hair cascading around her shoulders. She glanced over at Lucas, her smile softening. "You okay, Lucas? You've been so quiet."

Lucas forced a smile, nodding. "Yeah, just... thinking."

Matheus tilted his head, his eyes narrowing slightly as though he could see through Lucas's words. But he didn't push, and for that, Lucas was grateful. Matheus shifted on the couch, pulling his knees up and glancing out the window. "It's been a while since we've had rain like this," he mused. "Makes everything feel... different."

Isadora curled up beside him, resting her head lightly on his shoulder. "It's kind of nice, though," she said, her voice soft, reflective. "Rain like this makes you think about things."

Lucas felt the mood in the room shift, the playful energy dissolving into something quieter, more intimate. Rain had a way of doing that—slowing everything down, forcing thoughts to the surface that might otherwise stay hidden. Lucas moved from the window and sat at the edge of the couch, close enough to feel the warmth of Matheus's presence but still on the outskirts, still watching from a distance.

Isadora sighed, her eyes half-closed. "Do you ever think about where we'll all be in a few years? Like, after college... after all of this?"

Matheus shrugged, his gaze distant. "I try not to. It feels too big, you know? There's so much I can't control."

Lucas studied him closely, noticing the tension in his posture—something subtle, but unmistakable. Matheus had always seemed so sure of himself, so invincible. But now, for the first time, Lucas saw vulnerability in him, a kind of fragility that made Matheus feel more real, more human. And in that vulnerability, Lucas felt a pull, an urge to close the distance between them and ask the questions he'd been avoiding for weeks.

But before Lucas could speak, Isadora leaned closer to Matheus, her voice lowering. "Sometimes I think about what it would be like to stay here... to stay with you."

The words hit Lucas like a punch to the gut. His heart stuttered, the air in the room suddenly too thick, too suffocating. He glanced at Matheus, waiting for his reaction, but Matheus only gave a soft smile—a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "You're not serious," he said, his tone light, but there was something uneasy in it.

Isadora laughed, though the sound was quieter, more careful. "Maybe I am."

The room fell into silence. Only the steady rhythm of rain against the window filled the space. Lucas's mind raced, struggling to process what he'd just heard. Did Isadora mean it? And what about Matheus? The thought of the two of them being together—really together—made Lucas's chest tighten with a mix of jealousy and dread.

Matheus leaned back into the couch, slipping his arm around Isadora's shoulders in a way that felt practiced, almost automatic. "We've got time," he said, his voice casual, as if brushing off the weight of the moment. "No need to think that far ahead."

Isadora smiled, content with his answer, her eyes drifting closed as she nestled against him. Lucas watched her for a long moment, his emotions swirling. A strange combination of jealousy and relief washed over him, though he couldn't quite untangle which feeling was stronger. Outside, the storm had softened, the rain now a gentle whisper against the window, the room bathed in a dim, golden glow from the streetlights beyond the curtains.

And then, it was just the two of them.

Matheus looked over at Lucas, his eyes darker now, unreadable. The air between them felt charged, thick with the weight of everything unsaid. For a moment, neither of them spoke, the silence stretching, tense, filled with the tension of weeks—months—of things they hadn't said, couldn't say.

Lucas's pulse quickened. "Matheus..."

Matheus shifted slightly, his arm still around Isadora, but his focus entirely on Lucas. "What?" he asked, his voice low, cautious.

Lucas shook his head, unsure of what he wanted to say. The words sat heavy on his tongue, trapped, unwilling to move past the walls he'd built up. He could feel the weight of Matheus's gaze, could sense the tension in the air, the way Matheus's fingers drummed lightly on the back of the couch, restless.

He wanted to ask—to demand—what Matheus was feeling. What was happening between them. What this all meant. But the words lodged in his throat, too dangerous, too fragile to speak out loud.

For a moment, Matheus just stared at him, his eyes searching Lucas's face, as if he, too, was looking for something—an answer, a sign, anything to make sense of what was happening between them. The rain outside faded to a faint whisper, and the world beyond the room seemed to disappear, leaving just the two of them suspended in the quiet.

Matheus leaned forward, his face close enough that Lucas could feel his breath. "Do you ever feel like you're... lost?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

The question hung in the air, heavy and raw, and Lucas's breath caught. He could feel the heat radiating from Matheus, the space between them so small it felt like it could vanish entirely. And for the first time, Lucas saw it—really saw it—in Matheus's eyes: the fear, the uncertainty, the confusion. It was all there, laid bare in front of him.

Lucas nodded slowly, his voice shaky when he finally spoke. "Yeah. All the time."

For a fleeting second, Matheus's gaze softened, and it felt like the space between them would close—that Matheus would say something real, something that would change everything. But then, just as quickly as it had come, the moment passed. Matheus pulled back, his eyes flicking away, his hand dropping from the back of the couch.

"Yeah," Matheus muttered, his voice distant, hollow. "Me too."

Lucas watched him, his chest tightening with the weight of everything left unsaid. He wanted to reach out, to grab hold of the moment before it slipped away, but Matheus was already retreating, pulling back into himself, leaving the air between them cold and empty.

Matheus stood up, gently shifting Isadora so she could lie more comfortably on the couch. He didn't look at Lucas again as he walked toward the kitchen, his footsteps barely audible over the soft sound of rain.

Lucas sat there, frozen, his heart pounding, his mind a whirlwind of questions. What had just happened? What had Matheus been about to say? And why did it feel like, despite everything, they were further apart now than they had ever been?