When We Were Us [BxB]

Confession

The beach was eerily quiet that morning, the kind of quiet that seemed to amplify everything Lucas felt inside. The first rays of sunlight barely grazed the horizon, casting a soft orange glow over the waves, the tide low and gentle, its rhythm steady and unhurried. The air was cool, carrying with it the faint scent of salt and the memory of last night's rain. It was early—too early for the usual hum of São João—but that's what Lucas wanted. He needed the stillness, the isolation, for what he was about to do.

He stood at the edge of the sand, his heart racing as he stared out at the endless stretch of ocean. His thoughts were a tangled mess of emotions, memories, and fears, swirling so violently inside him that he could barely catch his breath. But he knew he couldn't put this off any longer. The weight of it all had become unbearable, pressing down on him with each passing day. If he didn't say something now, he knew he never would.

Matheus had agreed to meet him, though the hesitation in his voice over the phone made it clear he didn't understand why. An early morning swim or walk along the shore was nothing new for them, but Lucas's quiet seriousness had been enough to tip Matheus off that this wasn't just another casual day at the beach.

Lucas scanned the stretch of sand—their stretch of sand. The place where so many of their summers had unfolded, where they'd shared countless moments that once felt so easy, so uncomplicated. But now, everything felt impossible, tangled in a web of emotions Lucas could no longer ignore.

He heard Matheus before he saw him, the familiar sound of bare feet crunching over the sand. Lucas turned, and there he was—Matheus, looking just as effortless as always, with his messy curls and that easy, familiar smile. His t-shirt clung to him in the morning humidity, and his eyes were bright, despite the early hour.

"Hey, man," Matheus greeted, his voice light but laced with a cautious undertone, as though he could sense the weight in the air.

Lucas tried to smile, but it felt strained, unnatural. "Hey."

Matheus came to stand next to him, gazing out at the water. "You wanna swim or something?" he asked, already kicking off his sandals, digging his toes into the cool sand. "The tide's perfect right now."

Lucas shook his head, his throat tightening. "No. I didn't call you here for that."

Matheus turned to him, a frown tugging at his brows. "What's going on?"

This was it. The moment Lucas had been dreading and craving in equal measure. His chest felt tight, his pulse thundering in his ears, but he couldn't back out now. He'd been holding on to this for too long.

"I need to talk to you, Matheus," Lucas began, his voice low, shaky. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but it felt like the ground beneath him was shifting.

Matheus nodded slowly, his confusion clear but patient. "Okay... about what?"

The words stuck in Lucas's throat, and for a moment, he couldn't find them. How was he supposed to explain this? How was he supposed to make Matheus understand the turmoil inside him—the jealousy, the longing, the fear?

"I've been trying to figure out how to say this," Lucas started, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't even know if I can explain it, but I need to tell you the truth. About me. About... us."

Matheus's expression softened, concern flickering in his eyes. He took a step closer, his voice gentle. "Lucas, you're scaring me. What's going on?"

Lucas shook his head, trying to hold back the swell of emotion threatening to overwhelm him. "It's been building for so long. I've been holding on to these feelings—this thing—and I can't keep pretending everything's okay when it's not."

Matheus was watching him closely now, his eyes searching Lucas's face for answers. "Okay," Matheus said softly, his voice filled with care. "Just tell me. Whatever it is, you can tell me."

Lucas swallowed hard, his heart pounding so loudly he thought Matheus might hear it. He was so close to saying it—to letting everything spill out—but just as he opened his mouth, Matheus spoke first.

"Before you say anything," Matheus began, his voice dropping, uncertainty creeping in, "I need to tell you something too. About Isadora."

Lucas froze, the mention of her name crashing into him like a wave. This wasn't how he had imagined this conversation going. He had come here to bare his soul, and now Matheus was opening up about his own confusion—about Isadora, about feelings Lucas wasn't sure he could bear to hear.

"I don't know what I'm doing with her," Matheus said, his voice raw, unguarded. He kicked at the sand absentmindedly, his gaze drifting toward the horizon. "I like her, but I'm confused. Sometimes it feels right, but other times... I don't know, man. I don't know if it's real or if I'm just faking it."

Lucas's heart twisted painfully in his chest. Matheus's words felt like both a lifeline and a blow, pulling him in but keeping him at arm's length. He had come here to confess his love, and now Matheus was telling him that he didn't even know what love felt like.

"Matheus..." Lucas's voice was trembling, the vulnerability cutting too deep. "I need to say something too. I've been holding back because I didn't want to ruin things between us. But I can't keep pretending I'm okay with all of this—with you and Isadora. Because the truth is, I'm not."

Matheus turned to him, confusion flickering in his eyes. "What do you mean?"

Lucas took a shaky breath, the words finally spilling out. "I'm not okay because... because I have feelings for you. I've had them for a long time. And seeing you with her... it's been killing me."

The silence that followed was deafening. The sound of the ocean filled the space between them, but it couldn't drown out the weight of Lucas's confession. Matheus stood frozen, his expression unreadable, the vulnerability that had been there moments before now replaced by something colder, more distant.

Lucas pressed on, his voice breaking as he spoke. "I've tried to ignore it, to push it down, but I can't anymore. I love you, Matheus. And I don't know what to do about it."

The words hung in the air, heavy and raw, until Matheus finally spoke.

"I... I don't know what to say," Matheus murmured, his voice barely audible over the waves.

Lucas's heart sank. He had known this was a possibility—had prepared himself for rejection—but the reality of it was more crushing than he had imagined.

Matheus shifted, his gaze falling back to the ocean. "I need time."

Time. The word hit Lucas like a punch to the gut. Time to figure out what? Whether he felt the same way? Or how to let Lucas down gently?

Lucas nodded, the ache in his chest spreading. "Okay," he whispered, his voice barely holding together.

And just like that, the moment ended. The confession, the vulnerability, the heartache—it all lingered between them, unresolved, like the tide that never quite reached the shore.