When We Were Us [BxB]

Glances

The days after the kiss at the bonfire blurred into a haze of moments that Lucas couldn't quite hold onto. Time stretched, like the summer sun that lingered too long in the sky, refusing to set. The nights grew warmer, the air thick with the scent of saltwater and something else—something Lucas couldn't name but felt creeping into the edges of his awareness. Beneath it all was a slow, unsettling sense of unease.

Matheus and Isadora had become almost inseparable, their days spent exploring the town, lounging on the beach, and disappearing together into the balmy summer nights. And Lucas? He was always there, following behind like a shadow, a silent observer to their growing closeness. He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when he'd been pushed to the margins, but now he was undeniably the third wheel—on the outside, looking in.

One afternoon, the trio walked down the narrow streets of São João, the heat pressing down on them, making everything feel slow and sticky. Isadora's laughter cut through the air, light and melodic, as she casually draped her arm over Matheus's shoulders. They were joking about something Lucas had missed, something small but intimate. And it hit him all at once: the distance between them wasn't just physical. It had become emotional, too.

He followed a step behind, watching the way they moved together, their easy banter and casual touches stirring something deep inside him—a sharp, persistent jealousy. It gnawed at him, a constant reminder that things had changed, perhaps for good.

As they passed familiar landmarks—the café where they'd spent countless hours, the corner of the beach where they had whiled away entire afternoons—Lucas felt an ache for the past. He drifted into memories of simpler times, when it had been just him and Matheus. Back then, their summers were filled with shared jokes, comfortable silences, and nights under the stars, talking about everything and nothing.

He thought about the first time they'd had a sleepover, staying up past midnight, whispering their dreams and fears in the dark. Matheus had confessed his fear of the ocean then, worried it might swallow him whole. Lucas had teased him about it, but deep down, he understood. The ocean was vast and unpredictable—just like life. And that kind of uncertainty was terrifying.

Now, standing in the present, Lucas realized that the fear wasn't about the ocean anymore. It was about losing Matheus to the currents of time, to the inevitability of change. The closeness they once shared felt fragile, stretched thin like a thread about to snap.

They reached the beach, where the sand was warm beneath their feet, and Matheus tossed his bag carelessly onto the ground. "Let's swim," he said, already pulling his shirt off with a grin, his eyes gleaming with that boundless energy that always made him seem untouchable.

Isadora laughed, kicking off her sandals, her gaze lingering on Matheus as she followed him toward the water. Lucas hesitated, watching as they dashed into the waves. The sun was beginning to set, casting everything in hues of gold and pink, painting the beach in soft, fading light. It should have been beautiful, but all Lucas could feel was the weight of everything left unsaid between him and Matheus.

As Matheus and Isadora splashed playfully in the water, Lucas sat down on the sand, his arms draped over his knees. Memories flooded in—uninvited, but relentless. He thought about the time they'd snuck beers from Matheus's dad's cooler, laughing until their sides hurt as they stumbled around the backyard. He thought about the late-night phone calls when they'd shared their plans for the future, imagining adventures that seemed so certain back then. It had always been the two of them against the world.

Now, the world was changing, and Lucas didn't know where he fit anymore.

He glanced up, watching Matheus wrestle with Isadora in the shallow water, their laughter echoing across the beach. Every now and then, Matheus's eyes flicked over to Lucas—just a quick glance, as if checking to make sure he was still there. It was subtle, barely noticeable, but it was enough to keep Lucas tethered to the hope that maybe there was still something between them. Something real.

But was that enough?

Lucas didn't know anymore. The jealousy that had once been a quiet murmur had grown into something heavier, something that made his chest tighten whenever he saw the two of them together. It wasn't just that Matheus was spending more time with Isadora—it was the feeling that with each passing day, Lucas was becoming more invisible, as if he were being erased from the story of their lives.

The sun dipped lower, casting long shadows over the beach. Eventually, Matheus and Isadora made their way back to where Lucas sat. Matheus dropped down beside him, still dripping from the ocean, his hair wild and tousled. "You okay, man?" Matheus asked, his voice softer now, the playful edge gone.

Lucas forced a smile, nodding. "Yeah, just tired."

Matheus studied him for a moment, his brow furrowed slightly. There was something in his gaze—an awareness, a question—but it passed too quickly for Lucas to grasp. Matheus turned back to Isadora, who was now stretching out on the sand, eyes closed, basking in the fading sunlight.

For a while, the three of them sat in silence, the only sounds the gentle lapping of the waves and the distant hum of the town. Lucas wanted to speak, wanted to break the silence with the truth that had been pressing on his chest for what felt like weeks. But the words seemed too heavy, too dangerous. What could he even say? That he missed Matheus? That he was afraid of losing him? That every time he saw him with Isadora, it felt like something inside him was being chipped away, piece by piece?

Matheus shifted beside him, drawing his knees up to his chest. His gaze was fixed on the horizon, his expression unreadable. After a long pause, Matheus spoke, his voice barely more than a whisper. "You ever think about what happens next?"

Lucas frowned, turning to look at him. "What do you mean?"

Matheus shrugged, his eyes still on the water. "You know... after this. After summer. After college." His voice wavered, and for the first time, Lucas noticed the tension in Matheus's posture—the way his shoulders were drawn tight, the way his fingers dug into the sand.

"I guess," Lucas replied softly, unsure of what Matheus was getting at. "Yeah, I think about it."

Matheus let out a long, slow breath, his gaze distant. "It just... it feels like everything's changing, you know? Like we're supposed to have it all figured out, but I don't. I don't know what's next. What if... what if I'm not ready for it?"

Lucas's heart twisted at the vulnerability in Matheus's voice, at the raw fear that he so rarely let anyone see. For a moment, it felt like they were kids again, lying under the stars, dreaming about the future as though growing up were a distant possibility, not something that was already happening.

"You don't have to figure it all out right now," Lucas said, his voice steady, though he didn't quite believe his own words. "We've still got time."

Matheus finally looked at him, and there was something in his eyes—something deeper than the words he'd spoken. Lucas couldn't tell if it was fear, uncertainty, or something else entirely. But whatever it was, it made his pulse quicken, the air between them thick with unspoken tension.

"Do we?" Matheus asked, his voice barely audible.

Lucas opened his mouth to respond, but the words caught in his throat. He didn't know what to say. All he knew was that the bond between them—the connection that had always tethered them together—was slipping away, and he didn't know how to stop it.

The weight of change hung heavy in the air, as inevitable as the tide, and Lucas could only watch as the summer sun dipped below the horizon, carrying with it everything he was afraid to lose.

4o