My childhood tales

Parents part 1 (TW: abuse and suicide)

Many people may not fully appreciate their parents until they're gone. 

Some individuals, lacking a mother or father, often feel a void and yearn to experience the daily presence of parental figures in their lives.

Others harbor resentment towards their parents, sometimes for justified reasons, other times due to selfish motives and a lack of understanding.

As for myself, I once had a father. He's not dead nonono, but in my eyes, he might as well be.

One night, in a drunken rage, he attempted to take the lives of both my mother and me. I can still remember every little detail returning from school to the sound of loud music, the strong smell of alcohol, finding him at the kitchen table in tears, surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol.

The yelling, the screaming, almost being hit with a metal poll to the head. 

Hiding under the bed for what felt like hours.

By then it had become a sadly very familiar routine, as he spiraled into frequent breakdowns and substance abuse following the death of his own parents from COVID-19.

To me, the chaos and tragedy was the norm.

Like going to the store to get milk.

During that period, I developed a coping mechanism where I would shut off all my emotions to become numb to all the terrible things happening.

That was because of multiple reasons like seeing so many loved ones dying and going to each one of their funerals, school being fucking hell, my mother's constant beatings and her pulling my hair out, and of course the general state of the world at that time.

By this time, I attempted to kill myself twice.

Which is a whole other story (or storys) I could talk about for about an hour.

Be sure to appreciate your stable and loving parents.

You'd be surprised how many others would kill to have a loving family.