A Heartbreak Odessy

Flickers Of Hope

Dear Diary,

Day 4 of NO CONTACT.
It’s the second day of full, cold-turkey silence. I woke up hoping, desperately wishing that maybe, just maybe, he’d reach out and ask me to come over. But the silence still lingers. As much as I want to be strong, last night, I caved a little. I went to his Instagram, checked his follow list like a detective searching for clues.

Part of me thinks it’s easier to believe he left me for someone else—because at least then I could blame it on someone, or something, tangible. But the reality that he might’ve just grown tired of me, bored even, feels so much worse. Like I wasn’t enough. Like I was never going to be enough.

This TikToker I saw today said something that hit me deep. She said when someone leaves like this, they’ve likely been fantasizing for weeks, maybe even months, about the idea of freedom—life without you. And no matter what you say or do, unless they live out that fantasy, nothing can change their mind. That stung, but oddly, it gave me the courage to push forward with no contact. To stick to my plan. The next chance I get, I’ll head over to his place and pick up all my stuff. It’s time to close that chapter for good.

On my way home today, I couldn’t help but think about the money I’m going to save by being without him. I don’t regret spending money on him—when I love someone, I give wholeheartedly. But now, I’m grateful that I no longer have to invest in someone who never truly saw my worth. I realize now that my value was never something he appreciated, and that’s not my fault.

It’s funny, though, as I sit here thinking about it, I realize I’ve grown in ways I never expected. My sense of style, for example. I dress so much better now, and that makes me smile. It’s a small thing, but it feels like a victory. Something I reclaimed for myself.

He doesn’t watch my Instagram stories anymore. In the past, I’d always post about our relationship—about us. But this time, I won’t. I’ve made a decision: no more relationship content, no more breadcrumbs for him to follow. Only fun, food, and workouts. The best parts of my life.

But… he did watch my WhatsApp story today. And I hate to admit it, but that tiny gesture made me feel relieved. At least he’s not completely trying to erase me, right? Maybe he’s just being silent because I’m being silent. Maybe he doesn’t want to look like he’s chasing me. I don’t know. I could be reading too much into it, but a girl can hope

Speaking of mixed signals, I sent him a Pinterest post today by mistake. Of all things, a Pinterest post! And when I looked, I saw that he had sent me one earlier—something that made no sense at all. It left me confused. What is he doing? Does he miss me? Is he trying to reestablish contact but doesn’t know how?

I can’t help but wonder if this silence is eating away at him, too. Maybe he’s just as unsure as I am. Maybe he’s afraid to reach out because he thinks I’ll shut him down. Or maybe, this is all just wishful thinking on my part, and he’s perfectly fine without me.

But I can’t shake that glimmer of hope. The hope that maybe, somewhere in this silence, he’s still thinking about me too.

A girl can hope.