The Price of Freedom

Chapter Six

As always, please read the trigger warnings in the description as this is quite dark. Take care of yourselves and only read if comfortable.

All I've done since I met Jack three days ago is cry, sleep and worry. I'm exhausted and fed up and he is too. It's all my fault. Maybe I should just relent and... and go back to Cal. No harm done right? All I've done is spend a few days with Jack to... collect my thoughts, maybe I've been ill and needed to recuperate? My head spins with all the excuses Cal is probably spinning to his dinner guests so it doesn't look like I've turned my back on their world, the world. And then I decide... I will go back to him. I need to. I feel guilty impeding Jack's life like this. He doesn't deserve it; he deserves to have fun, to be young without having to tread on eggshells around me. I swallow and stare at the wall, swallowing the silent tears which track down my face and stain my lips.

I wonder if he ever wishes I wasn't here. If he wishes I'd just fuck off back to Cal and leave him to his life. He says nothing, but sometimes I catch a flicker in his eyes—a shadow of something unspoken—and it terrifies me. Maybe it's pity, or...regret. He's too kind to say it, but I know I'm holding him back. I know it.

It's pitch black, and from a careful glance of my wrist watch which is pinned under Jack's arm, I realise it's 2am. I need to go. Now. Before he gets up, before he realises I'm gone. I carefully slide out from next to him, untangling our limbs, moving my hand off his chest, and my arm from underneath his, and then he moves — jolts — in his sleep and I freeze, holding my breath until I'm sure I might pass out. I'm kneeling on the bed frozen in place, and then when I'm sure he's asleep I dangle a leg down, watching him intently. I feel my heart pounding as I realise this is it. I'm leaving. I'm going back to Cal; the man who hurts me just because...

Suddenly I fall backwards, landing with a thud on the floor, and I internally curse myself. Now I've definitely fucked it up. I quickly recover — I'm used to being injured anyway — and I stand up and bolt towards the door, feeling the freezing air wrap around me, prickling goose bumps on my arms.

I rip the door open, and sprint down the corridor, feeling my hair rush behind me like a kite. I'm free now. It's kind of like a liminal space where I'm in the middle of Jack and Cal, between the temptation and the, well, snake, though currently I have no idea who is supposed to be who: the line is blurrier than I thought. It's pitch black down here, so dark that the shadows seem to swallow me whole. The cold floor bites at the soles of my feet, the chill creeping upward like a thief, slowly freezing my blood as it winds its way through my body. Every step feels like walking on ice, each moment more unbearable than the last. I can feel the ship's subtle movements more acutely down here, the gentle sway rocking me side to side, unsettling but somehow stiller than other ships I've been on. The quiet hum of the engine echoes faintly in the distance, a constant reminder of the power beneath us, but down here it feels eerily calm, as if the ship is holding its breath along with me.

"Rose, what the hell are you doing! Get back here!" Fuck. He woke up. I fight the urge to turn back to him, to collapse in his arms even though we only met three days ago. I fight everything inside me that tells me going back to Cal is wrong because... fucking hell.

"I—" I don't manage to stop running, I just... fall. I tumble onto the floor, going down as if I'm crumbling under the weight of everything... like the floor is the safest place to be. I bring my knees to my chest and bury my head into them, shivering. God, it's so cold.

"What are you doing? God! Come here, come here." He kneels beside me and does exactly what I was fighting the urge to do. He takes me in his arms and strokes my hair, telling me everything will be okay. How can it be?
I turn to look into his eyes, and when I do, I wish I didn't. He's so beautiful. If the sun was a person, Jack would be it. I feel like melting, like wishing we were the same person so he could be this close to me all the time.