Heart Me

Chapter 40

Nate's POV

I couldn't shake the image of Mia's tear-streaked face, her words replaying in my mind like a broken record. I deserve to feel this pain... Her voice, cracked and hollow, tore at something deep inside me. How did it come to this? How had I let things get so messed up?

I lay back, staring at the ceiling, my heart heavy with regret. Mia had been my best friend for as long as I could remember. She had been there through every high and low, every laugh and tear. She was the one who made me feel understood when no one else could. And yet, I had taken her for granted. I had let her sacrifice everything without even realizing the weight of what I was asking of her.

I turned onto my side, pulling the pillow tight against my chest, trying to smother the ache that had settled there. I thought about Kayla, her soft smile, the way her hand had felt in mine, the way she had looked at me with hope in her eyes. I wanted to be with her, I really did. But there was something about Mia-something I couldn't just brush aside. She was more than just a friend; she was a piece of me, a part that I had taken for granted for far too long.

My phone buzzed, breaking the heavy silence. I fumbled for it, my hands shaking. It was a text from Kayla: Hey, just got home. Thanks for understanding tonight. Hope you're okay. Good night, Nate.

I stared at the screen, my thumb hovering over the keyboard. I wanted to text back, to reassure her, to make her feel secure in whatever this was between us, but my fingers wouldn't move. How could I promise her anything when I couldn't even figure out what I wanted? I tossed the phone aside, letting it bounce on the bed, and buried my face in my hands.

I felt tears prickling at the corners of my eyes, and I blinked them away furiously. I didn't cry. I didn't do this. But tonight, everything felt so damn heavy. Mia's pain, Kayla's uncertainty, my own confusion... it was all crashing down on me at once. I felt like I was drowning, gasping for air in a sea of emotions I couldn't navigate.

My mom knocked on the door gently, pushing it open just a crack. "Nate?" Her voice was soft, worried. "Are you okay, honey?"

I swallowed hard, trying to find my voice. "Yeah, I'm fine, Mom. I'm just tired."

She stepped inside, flicking on the light, and I squinted against the brightness. She looked at me, concern etched on her face. "You don't look fine. Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head, my throat tight. "No, I'm good. Just... a lot on my mind."

She nodded, seeming to understand. "Okay, but if you need anything, I'm here." She hesitated for a moment, then leaned down to kiss my forehead. "Try to get some sleep, okay?"

I managed a weak smile. "Thanks, Mom."

She left, closing the door behind her, and I was alone again. I stared up at the ceiling, my thoughts a chaotic whirl. I needed to figure this out. I needed to understand what I wanted, who I wanted. I couldn't keep hurting the people who cared about me just because I was too scared to make a decision.

My mind drifted back to Mia, the way she had looked at me, so hurt, so broken. I had never seen her like that before. She had always been the strong one, the one who held me together when everything else was falling apart. And now... now I was the reason she was falling apart. I felt a sharp pang of guilt, an ache that settled deep in my chest.

I have to make this right, I thought, clenching my fists. I didn't know how, but I had to try. I couldn't just leave things like this, not with Mia, not with Kayla. They both deserved better than that. They deserved someone who wasn't so tangled up in his own confusion, someone who could be honest and straightforward.