Chapter 5

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It had been a week and I hadn't told a soul what happened. Not even my new best friend Danielle, who I saw every day as I interned at the animal hospital.

I tried not to think about Dr. Kim and what we'd done. Instead, I thought about Jay. He hadn't bothered to call or text, and anger rose inside me each day he remained silent. It was easier to focus on that. How did he not need closure? Ten seconds was all it took to undo three years.

Unless this was a power play on his part. Maybe he was waiting for me to call.

And maybe I'd been avoiding it because of what I'd done with his dad. Would any good come from telling him? The relationship between them was okay, but not great, and I didn't want to be part of the wedge that drove them further apart. I was being a coward about it, but I also saw no upside to confessing my sins. All it would do was cause pain.

Jay might not have needed closure, but I did, and couldn't put it off any longer. On Friday, nine days after our breakup, I texted him.

Hanni: Are we going to talk about this?

Jay: Talk about what?

Was he fucking kidding? I wasn't going to get into everything via text.

Hanni: What I said in the pool. What are you doing right now?

Jay: Playing Call of Duty.

I gnashed my teeth. Of course. He was just sitting around playing video games.

Hanni: Is your dad home?

Jay: No.

The tight breath in my lungs relaxed. I could do this. Get in and get out, even though the thought of not seeing Dr. Kim again brought on a surprising sharp pang of disappointment.

Hanni: Can I come over?

Jay: You horny?

What? He thought I was asking about his dad being gone so we could fuck in the house? Un—fucking—real. Was this how he was handling the breakup, like it had never happened? The three dots blinked across the screen.

Jay: Yeah, you can come over.

My stomach churned and roiled as I drove to Jay's and parked in the driveway. I shut the car off and stared up at the dark windows of the house, working up the nerve to do what I needed to.

Like last time, I went in through the front door without knocking. There was no point. Jay would be in the basement and wouldn't hear me. My flip-flops slapped against the soles of my feet as I marched through the living room and turned left, heading toward the basement door. I was so focused on my goal, the movement didn't register until she spoke.

"Hanni?"

Oh, Jesus. My mouth went dry as a desert, and my brain quit working. "He said you weren't here," I blurted.

Dr. Kim's face contorted into a strange expression. Guilt, confusion, and hurt. Perhaps a little fear too. It made me feel like garbage, and my gaze dropped down to see the stack of mail she was sorting in her hands and the plastic bag of takeout resting on the breakfast bar. The faint smell of garlic lingered.

She pulled her shoulders back. "I just got home."

"Oh." It was barely a whisper from me. "Sorry."

She tilted her head slightly and scrutinized me. "What are you doing here? I thought you and Jay . . ."

"We did. I'm just here to talk to him." And make sure he understands we're over.

Dr. Kim was dressed casually in jeans and a form-fitted t-shirt, and I forced myself not to think about what she would look like without them. I sucked in a deep breath and lifted my gaze to meet hers.

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