Doctor Kim

Chapter 32

Minji's stunned gaze went from me, to my mother, then on to the whiteboard beside my hospital bed that listed my stats. As if she needed to see all of it before it really settled in.

"Dr. Kim," my mother said, and for the first time in her life, she looked pleased to see her.

She paced quickly to my bedside. Her worried expression was so brutal, I twisted away.

"No," I said feebly.

She didn't seem to hear me. "How's your pain?"

Bad, I wanted to say. Terrible ever since you made me leave you. Instead I curled up into myself, keeping a lid on my mouth and my emotions.

"She's been better the last hour," my mother answered, rising from the chair and moving to stand next to the bedrail on the side opposite her.

"Good. That's good." She shifted back into doctor mode, her focus still on me. "We'll get you feeling a lot better once we've taken your appendix out."

Then she launched into a whole thing about what the appendix was, why it was going bad, and how it would be removed. Her practiced speech about using a tiny telescopic camera and small cuts and scars barely registered. My mother listened dutifully, nodding along and asking questions. I just stared at the two lumps of my feet under the heavy blanket covering my lower body. Was it the drugs they had me on, her presence, or the combination of the two that made it difficult to focus?

"Hanni." My name was a soft command in her voice. "Do you have any questions?"

I rolled my gaze to her. She had one of those fitted hats on to keep her hair back, the same blue as the hospital scrubs she wore. No white coat, thank God. Even dressed down in shapeless clothes, she was still masculine and sexy.

When I didn't say anything, she set a palm on my bedrail, bringing her closer. A gesture that probably meant nothing to my mom but felt weirdly intimate to me. I peered at her fingers, tracing each one with my gaze.

In less than an hour, that hand was going to hold a scalpel and cut me open.

"I don't want you to do the surgery," I said.

Her grip tightened in reaction. "I know it's scary, but your appendix has to come out. There's no other way to treat—"

"No." She'd misunderstood me. "I don't want you to do the surgery."

She released her hold on the rail and straightened. "What? Why?"

My mother looked just as surprised. "Oh, honey. It might feel strange because she's Jay's parent, but she's a doctor. Don't worry about her seeing your body."

What the hell? My cheeks warmed with embarrassment. She thought I was freaking out about my ex-boyfriend's dad seeing me naked. That wasn't high on my list of concerns. "It's not that."

"Okay. Then—?" she asked.

Minji stood with her hands resting on her hips. She appeared casual at first glance, but I saw the tension in her forearms and the way her shoulders were higher than normal.

"Mom, can you give us a minute? I need to talk to Minji alone."

I realized my slip too late. I'd never called her by her first name, and mom's gaze narrowed on her. Her tone was cool. "Minji?"

When she held her ground, I said it with force. "Please?"

I couldn't focus on the fact that she was unhappy right now. We didn't have time. I was beyond exhausted, uncomfortable, anxious, and I couldn't find a better way to ask her to leave. I also didn't want to dance around the conversation I needed to have with Minji.

My mother examined Minji with new suspicion. "Fine. I'll be right outside when you're done."

The door had just clicked shut when she spoke again. "Tell me why you don't want me to do the surgery."

I stared up into her brown eyes, and my voice went shallow. "Because I don't want it to be the last time you put your hands on my body."

She sucked in a deep breath, and her expression turned to defeat. She couldn't argue and tell me it wouldn't be. Neither of us knew what the future held.

I crossed my arms over my chest, which probably made me look like a pouting teenager, but the pain in my belly was growing, and I needed to hold myself together long enough until she was gone from the room. "I want someone else."

Beneath the pain I inflicted, her jaw set. "This isn't a teaching hospital. I'm the trauma surgeon on-call." She took in a breath. "I could opt out of this, but it might be hours of scrambling before we find someone else available. And also, Hanni? I'm the best. You think I'm going to let someone else do this? Not a chance."

I was annoyed that the weak part of me faltered at her bravado. Of course, the cocky surgeon wanted me under her knife. It was the only way to ensure I got the best possible care. But it also felt like control, and this was one time I didn't want to be under it.

Irritation simmered below my surface, threatening to erupt. "I said no. I don't want your scars on me for the rest of my life."

"Jesus Christ." She ripped her gaze away from me and glared at the wall. "I know you're unhappy, but this isn't the time to start acting like a child." I gasped, wounded by her child comment, but she wasn't finished. "This is serious. Do you understand that? The recovery for laparoscopy is two weeks. Four incisions, most about half an inch long. If you wait and your appendix ruptures? Everything changes."

She set her hands wide on my bedrail, leaned over, and hung her head. "I'd have to open your abdomen and remove all the toxic bacteria inside from the rupture. That scar would be eight, maybe nine inches, and your recovery would be measured in months. Months, Hanni." She lifted her head and gave me a piercing stare. "You don't get to pick your doctor then, because at that point, it's a race to the OR to save your life."

Tears welled in my eyes, but I blinked them back.

She took a hand off the bed, scooped it behind my neck, and brought our faces together, her warm forehead pressed to mine. "I don't want your life in my hands. Don't make me do that kind of surgery."

She didn't want my life in her hands, but in that moment, I realized it was already too late for my heart. I closed my eyes and unleashed a tear, which she used her thumb to brush away.

"I understand," her voice fell to a hush, "I'm not your first choice. I wasn't for a long time. But today, I'm your only choice."

The realization hit me with a physical impact, and I jolted in Minji's hold. She'd hinted more than once she'd had feelings for me while I was with Jay. In fact, she'd told me, but I'd brushed the statements off.

Had she felt like she was my second choice this whole time? Because she wasn't.

"I . . ." I started, speaking before I had my thoughts.

What difference did it make now, laying all the cards on the table? We'd kept our relationship a secret, and it hurt Jay, and Minji had kept Jay's betrayal from me. How could the truth be any more painful?

"I think I might be in love with you," I whispered.

She sighed and closed her eyes. Her expression was unreadable, and her silence was fucking terrifying.

"Forget I said it." I shifted out of her hold and sat back in the bed. "It's the drugs you've got me on."

A slow, sad smile warmed her lips. It spread and spread, until she was grinning, and I'd never seen her look more beautiful.

"I made a promise to him," she said, "but I fucking swear, today won't be the last time I touch you." She seemed reluctant to put distance between us, but stood. "You have to trust me. Okay?"

I swallowed a breath and brushed a lock of hair back, out of my eyes. "Okay."

"Good." Relief swept through her so hard, she looked ten pounds lighter. "Then I'll see you in recovery."