The Cavalry is Dead

Chapter 8: A Woman Tries to Eat Me and Other Romantic Problems

"Jerky?" Romes asked.

She thrust out something brown and leathery. Jax looked up from his book. Blinked. He'd been reading about a reclusive scholar with a magical library, and to find himself suddenly on a ship with a pretty girl kneeling over him was, Jax felt, rather disorienting.

"What?" Jax asked.

Romes waggled the mysterious item. "I made it myself. Sweet honey and peppercorn."

Jax looked down at the jerky; it was the exact colour and texture of wrinkly skin that had been in the sun for too long. Still, he thought, it was clear that Romes was trying to smooth things over after the cave incident. This was an olive branch. A jerky branch.

He took the jerky. "Thanks."

Jax turned back to the book. Romes didn't move.

"Well?" she demanded.

Jax scanned a line. "Hmm?"

"Aren't you going to have some?"

"Oh." Jax swallowed. "I don't feel well." This wasn't entirely a lie; the stench of the jerky was turning his stomach. How in the seven burning hells did people eat this stuff for fun? "I'll try it later."

Romes shrugged. "Suit yourself."

She turned for the quarterdeck. Asa ignored her as she climbed the stairs, his eyes fixed on the horizon. Jax lay on his back. The sun was sinking in the sky; clouds belly-flopped on to the horizon, their underbellies tinged with a reddish glow. What day was it? Monday? Thursday? Jax had lost count.

It had been three days since they'd departed the Lair of the Lost. Jax had spent most of it secluded in his cabin, scribbling down stories and adventures. The work was turning into a book of short stories. He was tentatively calling it "Handsome Warrior Jaxon Bravely Takes On the Very Terrifying and Impossible Forces of Evil."

Heavy footsteps raced across the sky.

"A flutterpie!" Xander exclaimed, pointing at the sky. "Did anyone else catch that? It has the most magnificent red beak." He stretched on his toes, craning against the railing. "And it travels at speeds of up to 200 miles an hour."

"Blackwater?" Asa called.

Jax sat up. "Yeah?"

"Get your stupid pig off my steering wheel," Asa grunted.

Jax watched as Bibi pranced across the spokes, wiggling her little pink bum. She'd taken a liking to Asa, which was... unexpected. Asa seemed about as cuddly as a cheese grater. Then again, Jax thought, Bibi also liked eating mouldy banana peels and rolling around in sewage, so perhaps he shouldn't be surprised.

"She's not bothering anyone," Jax said.

Asa glared at the pegapiglet. "I'm going to turn you into bacon." He turned the wheel sharply. "You hear me?"

The boat jerked. Bibi squawked and jumped onto Asa's head. Asa looked murderous, swatting at her as he muttered something about his hair. Xander clutched his red bandana, his eyes fixed on the sky.

"There it is again!" Xander stabbed a finger at a passing cloud. "You can just see its outline. Magnificent."

"Look, Bird-Boy," Asa sighed. "I'm sure this is all fascinating—"

"Ornithologist," Xander said.

"What?"

"I'm an ornithologist." Xander's voice was mild. "It refers to a person that studies birds."

Asa cast his eyes upward. "I don't care what you are. If I have to listen to one more word about migration patterns or plumage patterns or goddamn faeces patterns, I will steer this ship into a cliff."