A New Safe Space

A Little Braver Now

Ray was spiraling. The party had started as fun but it all went downhill when Akk suddenly left without a word. They had been happy—really happy—and Akk had even smiled when Ray sang a song just for him. They were finally on the same page and Akk was opening to him. They were all over each other in the bathroom at the back of the bar and it had been amazing almost rivaling the night they first met. But then, out of nowhere, Akk was gone with only a very short message.

Ray sat on the floor, the room spinning as he clutched his drink, feeling the weight of abandonment creeping over him. He had been here before, more times than he cared to count. The feeling of being unworthy of love. Everyone he loved always seemed to leave him, and it felt like Akk was no different. The fear of being left alone by everyone was something Ray had carried with him for years, and no matter how hard he tried, that gnawing anxiety always came back.

At first, Ray didn't want to admit that Akk was someone special to him. Denial was easier. He was intrigued and the haughty older man was so fun to tease, his sharp retorts always made Ray smile. But eventually, there was no hiding from it—his heart wanted Akk, no matter how much he tried to bury the feeling. It wasn't just interest but something more. He wanted his whole attention, all his time. He wanted to always be the one to put that rare genuine smile on his face and even be the one comforting him when he was sad and his tears fell.

He had learned the hard way with Mew how he felt differently with Akk. The feelings he had for Mew were rooted in gratitude and companionship, for being saved from one of the darkest periods of his life. Mew had pulled him out of the abyss, and Ray had thought he owed him everything for that, including his heart.

When Mew moved on with Top, Ray was left feeling bitter, not just because of the betrayal but because it confirmed his worst fear—Mew didn't need him anymore. And if Mew didn't need him, then Ray was alone again.

But in the months following that heartbreak, especially during his internship, Ray had begun to realize something important: his happiness didn't need to be tied to Mew. Life could move on, and so could he. Akk had shown him that feelings could grow without strings attached or debts to be paid. Just one unexpected night with Akk was enough to stir something deeper within Ray. He actually didn't mind being alone rather than being with someone who wasn't Akk. It was different from what he had felt for Mew— he knew it was going to be more than he ever felt for anyone and Ray was willing to find out just how much he was going to fall for him.

Akk, like Ray, carried his brokenness, his fears of abandonment. In some ways, that made Ray feel less alone. For the first time, he had found someone who made it easy to admit his flaws and saw him just for who he was. And more than that, Akk made him want to be better. It was Akk who had convinced Ray to cut back on the nightly whiskey habit that had become his crutch. One night, Ray had promised Akk he would try to drink less, and to his surprise, he had kept that promise. Each night, he limited himself to just one glass, always thinking of Akk's big, soulful eyes before he went to bed. That simple change was transforming him, in ways Ray hadn't anticipated. Even Mew had noticed, commenting on how much healthier and happier Ray seemed whenever they crossed paths.

Ray was determined not to let his fear of losing Akk sabotage whatever they had before it even began. Something in his gut told him that Akk had the potential to heal every broken part of him, that they could heal each other.

But then, Akk started avoiding him. That whole Sunday, Ray tried calling and texting, but Akk ignored him. By the evening, frustration, confusion, and hurt overwhelmed him, and he drank himself into oblivion just to fall asleep, desperate not to destroy his room in his rage.

Monday came, and Ray was more determined than ever to confront Akk. But when he tried to approach him, Akk was cold and distant, barely acknowledging his presence before disappearing once again. By the end of the day, Ray couldn't take it anymore. It was either confronting Akk or destroying everything he could get his hands on.

So he mustered every ounce of courage he had and marched to Akk's apartment that evening, pounding on the door with a mix of desperation and resolve. He wasn't going to let Akk abandon him like everyone else had. If there was someone he couldn't allow to walk out on him, that would be him.

Inside, Akk had been consumed by his own thoughts. He knew he was a coward—he always had been. Every time things got tough, his instinct was to run. He had survived all these years by adapting and if it gets too tough? He ran. Losing Ayan had taught him the painful lesson that cowardice came with a steep cost.

When he heard what people had said at the party, all his insecurities came rushing back. He had always had a problem believing he was worthy and he didn't want to feel like a burden. The same fears that had driven him to run from Ayan were surfacing again, and without thinking, he found himself retreating. He hated himself for it, for repeating the same pattern. He thought that he was going to do things differently when he eventually moved on. No wonder he had always felt like a substitute—he didn't deserve Ray, not if he couldn't even face him and be honest about his feelings. What right did he have to feel this devastated when he couldn't even tell Ray how much he meant to him?

As he sat alone in the quiet of his apartment, Akk made a promise to himself. Tomorrow, he would be braver. He wouldn't let his fear control him the way it had with Ayan. The fear and pride had ruined his life once, he wasn't going to let it ruin him again.

Ray deserved better, and Akk was determined to be better for him. He knew Ray was just as broken as he was, hiding behind charming smiles and witty remarks. Beneath the surface, Ray was as lonely and afraid as Akk was, and Akk couldn't let him down, he couldn't let them down.

He was still rehearsing what he would say to Ray when they came face to face tomorrow when a sudden, insistent knocking on the door snapped him out of his thoughts. He knew it was Ray.

After their conversation, Akk felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders. For the first time in a long while, he had been brave. He told Ray how he felt, and Ray did the same. He had let his pride go and asked what they were to each other. It wasn't perfect, but Akk was determined to make this work. He had promised himself that he wouldn't make the same mistakes this time. With Ray, he would get it right. They would get it right.

Now, they were sitting on Akk's couch, side by side. Ray was laughing, his attention focused on a cartoon playing on Netflix. Akk couldn't help but smile as he watched Ray, realizing that despite everything, Ray had a simple joyfulness about him. The boy could afford anything in the world, but he was content just being here, sitting next to Akk, sipping the beer Akk had offered him, with his head resting on his shoulder. This made Akk feel like he was enough for Ray.

"Akk... can I stay the night?" Ray's voice was soft, and his moonlit eyes filled with hope as he suddenly looked up at Akk.

Akk choked slightly on his beer, caught off guard by the question. His eyes widened, but before he could think it through, he found himself nodding, agreeing without even considering what it implied. But deep down, Akk knew—it was more than just a question about staying the night. It was a step forward, for both of them and Ray was letting him decide if they were moving forward or standing still.

Author's Note:

Well... tomorrow's chapter will be exciting for sure 🤪🤭😇 see you! Don't forget the comment- let me know you're thoughts, it keeps me going, and like/kudos, please! 🥰