A New Safe Space

Unspoken Truths

Later that evening, Akk was startled by the sound of loud knocking on his apartment door. He froze, already knowing who it was. He considered ignoring it, but Ray's voice broke through the silence.

"Akk, I know you're in there! Open the door."
Akk hesitated for a moment, fingers trembling as he reached for the door. He knew Ray was on the other side, waiting for answers. When he finally turned the handle and unlocked it, Ray pushed his way inside with frustration painted all over his face.

"What the hell, Akk?" Ray's voice was sharp, but his eyes were a mixture of confusion and hurt. "You just left without saying anything, and now you're ignoring me? What's going on?"

Akk stepped back, his pulse racing. He couldn't meet Ray's gaze. "I just... I needed space."

"Space?" Ray repeated, his voice dropping, though frustration still colored his tone. "From what? From me? What did I do? We were all over each other and the next minute I receive a message from you telling me you've bailed? Now you can't even answer my messages and calls? Now you are ignoring me?"

Akk swallowed, the weight of the conversation pressing down on him. He had no idea how to explain what was eating away at him, no way to voice the doubt and insecurity he felt since the party. He felt so small and ridiculous to still be affected by other people's comments at this age but he couldn't stop himself. He finally glanced up, his eyes filled with conflict. "I overheard some people talking... about you. About me. About us."

Ray's face changed instantly, his frown deepening. "What did they say?"

Akk inhaled shakily, unable to look at Ray. "They were saying I'm just... a distraction for you. A substitute. That I'm like Mew and that... you'll never take anyone seriously unless it's him."

Ray stared at him, disbelief widening his eyes. He took a step forward, shaking his head slowly. "Akk, no. That's not true. You shouldn't listen to that."

"But how do I know that?" Akk asked, his voice strained as he fought to keep his emotions in check. "How do I know I'm not just another temporary fix for you? I can't go through another painful relationship Ray. I'm sorry this is not on you, this is my problem. I am sorry...you know what happened to me and Aye. I won't survive a second time. I can't. So please, can't we just stop now? Let's stop this."

The words hung between them like a bitter truth neither of them wanted to confront. Ray's expression softened, his frustration melting into something that looked like guilt.

"Akk," Ray started, his voice quieter now, vulnerable. "This isn't like that. I'm not using you. How can you just say let's stop like it's no big deal? Do I mean so little to you? Don't you trust me even just a little?"

Akk let out a humorless laugh, though it came out shaky. "You say that, but how am I supposed to believe it? When we started, it was just supposed to be... fun. And now, I don't even know what this is anymore. We're not even anything and already those words hurt like hell. I am not an easy person to be with, Ray. I trust you but I don't trust me."

Ray's expression shifted, something raw appearing behind his usual bravado. "I thought we were past that, Akk. I thought we both felt something real. Have I not shown you I was interested in you enough? You Akk. I've been acting like a puppy following you around. Did you think I was just doing that for the hell of it or because it was fun? I know your last relationship went so badly that you lost faith in yourself about being in another one, but I'm not Ayan and neither are you the Akk from two years back."

Akk's heart clenched at the sincerity in Ray's voice, but the doubts still gnawed at him. He took a step back, trying to keep his voice steady. "Then tell me... what am I to you, Ray? What does this mean to you? What exactly do you want us to be?"

For a moment, Ray didn't answer. He stared at Akk, searching his face like he was looking for the right words. He stepped closer, closing the distance between them, and when he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper. "You're not just someone I'm passing time with. You're... you're more than you think, Akk. More than I thought possible for me. I want to be the one for you and you for me."

Akk's breath hitched at the quiet confession, the honesty in Ray's voice tugging at something deep inside him. He looked up, finally meeting Ray's gaze, and saw that the usual bravado was gone. Instead, there was vulnerability—something raw and real.

"But Mew..." Akk started still feeling uncertain, the name feeling heavy on his tongue.

Ray shook his head quickly. "Mew is my friend, Akk. Whatever feelings I had before—they're gone. Long gone since I met you. When I'm with you, I'm not thinking about anyone else. I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about how different this is. How much I want to be with you."

Akk felt his defenses waver, but the fear still lingered in his chest. "And what if I'm just another experiment for you? What if this is just... something you'll forget about when someone else comes along?"

Ray reached out then, grabbing Akk's hand, his grip firm but gentle. "No, Akk. You don't get it, do you? I don't... I don't open up to people like this. I don't let people in. But you... you make me feel things I didn't think I could feel again."

Akk's heart was pounding in his chest. Ray's words were cutting through all the walls he had built, chipping away at the doubt. He wanted to believe him. He wanted to believe this was real.

"You scare me," Akk admitted quietly, his voice barely a whisper. "You make me feel too much, too soon."

Ray's eyes softened at the confession, and he squeezed Akk's hand. "Good. Because you scare me too. I don't know where this is going yet, but I know I want to figure it out—with you."

Akk looked at him, and for the first time in days, he let himself feel the hope that had been buried under the fear. He took a shaky breath, his voice trembling as he spoke. "I'm scared that if I let you in, and you realize I'm nothing interesting after all, I'm not worth this work you'll give up. Like everyone else has, like Aye."

Ray's grip tightened just slightly. "So you have problems, I do too. At some point I'd be worst than you and you'd have to help me through it. I'm not going anywhere, Akk. Not unless you tell me to. Damn it! I am not your ex-boyfriend. Whatever happened in your past, don't confuse me with him. We are two different people."

The vulnerability in Ray's eyes was undeniable, and it struck Akk to his core. This wasn't the confident, playful Ray he was used to seeing. This was someone who was just as scared, just as uncertain. And somehow, that made it all the more real.

Akk slowly nodded, his chest tight with the emotions swirling inside him. He didn't know what would happen next, but for the first time, he was willing to let down his guard—just a little. Ray is worth the risk.

"I'll go and let you have space to think things through," Ray sounded defeated as he slowly turn towards the door not wanting to push Akk more than he already has tonight.

"I don't want you to go," Akk whispered, his voice raw.

Ray's lips quirked up in a small, relieved smile, he quickly turned back and he gently pulled Akk into his arms. "Then I won't because I really didn't want to."

Akk closed his eyes, letting himself relax against Ray's chest, the weight of the last few days finally easing off his shoulders. It wasn't perfect, and it wasn't simple, he knew he'd have a lot of things to fight within himself and one day even Ray's but maybe—just maybe—he is getting his second chance after all. A chance to be braver, to make better decisions, to make better choices... though it was with Ray and not with Ayan.