clouds ☁ lrh

ten

(Water works warning omg I'm so sorry)
Lukes POV
"Lauren is okay. She is with your family, and very tired. That's really all."
I relax more. She isn't upset, that's good.
"Heart rate dropping."
"We don't have much time,"
I look at the nurse, trying to ask her what's happening without speaking.
"Everything's okay," she lies.
"No," I mumble.
"Shh," she freezes. My eyes roll back in my head. "We're losing him."
They let go of my hand, and press the call button. In seconds, we have a crash cart.
"Charge 400."
"Clear."
"Theres a pulse," the doctor says. "He won't make it through the night. Suture him up,"
-
The room is quiet. I like it like that. It doesn't hurt my head.
"I'm sorry for not telling you," someone says. My brain can't figure out who.
"It's not your fault,"
"It is, you would have gotten a proper goodbye if I had,"
"So what do we do now?"
"We just wait."
Something moves up my arm. It's soft. I think it's someone else's hands, although I'm not sure.
"I'm scared,"
"You're not the only one."
A few minutes pass. I can hear a heart monitor. Is it mine?
"He gave me a book before he went in, told me I'd know when to read it. I don't know."
A sob it bitten back. "That's entirely up to you," there is a pause. "When you feel that your ready to read it, it's gonna be there."
I can see out of the very corners of my eyes. I can't close them, I'm awake. I can see Laurens fingers circling around mine but I don't feel them anymore.
"Why are his eyes open?"
"Don't know."
I struggle to wiggle my fingers or anything, just the let her know that I'm still here. I can't. It hurts.
"Is he awake?"
"Shouldn't be."
I'm here, I can hear you, I think. I wish I could cry and show some emotion rather than none. It hurts my throat.
"He is making noise, oh my god,"
"Lauren relax, please,"
I regain enough strength to keep my eyes open now. I can see her. I can see my mom.
"He's looking at me,"
My mom turns around, and clicks her tounge. All I can do it blink and hope she knows I'm awake on purpose.
"I have to get the doctor,"
She rushes off, leaving Lauren and l alone for what may be the last time.
"Hi," she says, smiling weakly. I want to tell her I'm okay. "Please don't be afraid babe,"
Too late, I think. Some part of my brain tells me to freak out, which I do. Or at least as much as an almost completely paralyzed person can.
I try to squeak out a word. It doesn't work that well.
"I don't know what your trying to tell me," she adds. "Just breathe,"
I curl my fingers around her hand, holding on as much as I can, which isn't alot. I miss the feeling of having complete feeling.
The doctor comes in with my mom. She has another bag of painkillers to inject me with, hoping they put me back to sleep.
"No,"
Laurens eyes go wide.
"He isn't supposed to talk, you told me-"
My mom shushes her. She shuts up.
"Please stop," I whisper. "I don't want them,"
My mom motions the doctor to put the bag away.
"Why is he awake?"
"Medication is wearing off. If say 1-4 hours tops."
I don't know what she is talking about. I don't care.
I poke Laurens ribs from where she stands, right next to the bed. She sits back down. Her eyes are red.
"Luke, your only job is not to stress, okay?" She pauses. "You are not allowed to be upset, or angry, or anything but calm."
I wrap my hand around her pointer finger. Her words aren't comeprehending. I can't understand. I want to.
"Laur," I pout. "I don't get it."
"Luke, listen. You're tired. You've put all your effort into today. You know how much we love you, because we really do." She stops to rub her eyes. "And- I can't, I just can't,"
I watch her break down. It's all my fault. I tug her fingers, and pull her closer.
"Hug?"
She nods, carefully moving me into a better place. I cling onto her, because I r s the only thing that makes me feel better now.
"Don't let go,"
She shakes her head.
"I'm not going anywhere. Close your eyes,"
I don't want to. I don't want to die.
"I don't want to,"
"Luke, honey, just relax,"
She wraps her arms around my stomach to keep me upright. I feel so tired. I can sink into her.
Time passes.
Somewhere distant you can hear a heart monitor. It's so far away.
I miss her.
"No,"
The hands holding mine start to shake. I want to hold on so bad. I can't. Why can't I move them?
"Luke,"
That's my name. It's been so long since someone's said it.
Then it goes silent. I can't feel her hands anymore. I can't smell her perfume. It's silent. I feel like a twenty pound weight I never noticed untill now is lifted off of me.