clouds ☁ lrh

nine

A/N: Dramatic AF. Sorry.
Also: second to last chapter, nor counting epilouge :)

I shut the car and ran inside Luke's house to grab whatever book he wanted me to see. I pushed back the bedskirt on his bed and pulled out the only object that wasn't dusty under it. The book.
It was a plain, black journal, and I flicked through it, not reading anything yet, but I could tell it was full.
Tucking it under my coat, I ran back to the car and sped back onto the main road to get to the hospital in time.

Luke's POV
I am holding someone's hand, but don't know who. There are many people in this room, and my mind can't focus.
Someone keeps telling me to stay awake until the surgery. I'm not sure if I can.
I hear someone else say it's time for everyone to clear the room. My mom has already talked to me. I wish I could have talked to her.
"Please," I hear someone say. "He wanted me to bring this,"
I see Lauren out of the corner of my eyes and I smile. She holds out the book.
"Is this the one?"
I nod. "It's yours. You will know when to read it."
"Okay?" She replies. "Be strong, you can do it Luke. I'll be waiting."
I shake my head, grabbing her shirt.
"I'm not ready,"
"For what?"
"To die, I'm not ready to die,"
"Don't say that," she frowns. "You're gonna be okay."
"I love you," I mumble. But her hand has already slipped out of mine. I feel terrible. She thinks this surgery is no big deal, I wish someone told her.
-
A doctor pokes something into my wrist. I feel heavy.
"Count to ten for us?" Someone asks, the same person holding the needle in my arm. She rubs my shoulder, trying to be nice.
I struggle to get my words out, and just give up. Someone else puts a face mask on me.
I can feel the table being moved into the OR. I can hear the metal tray.
"I don't wanna do it," I say.
"He's awake, turn the sedatives up please?" Someone says.
I feel heavier. I feel pressure in my back. It hurts. But I don't have the energy to say a word.
I stay like this for ten minutes. The nurse keeps squeezing my hand. I don't know why. Then I feel the same sensation I felt at school, pre-seizure.
My arm shakes, although I'm not moving it. Then my back. That hurts the worst. My head tilts back on its own, and I want to scream.
"He's seizing, hold him flat,"
I can't move. I'm barely aware of anything. I'm not supposed to be aware at all.
"We're losing him, keep him still,"
I can hear doctors around me, some holding my face, some holding my legs.
Things calm down. My muscles relax, and I sink back onto the table.
"Heart rate is slowly falling, keep watch on that."
"Yes, Doctor."
-
A while passes.
I realize that I can see. I'm awake. I'm not supposed to be awake, and that scares me.
"He is awake, Doctor,"
"He's on the highest dosages he can handle, there's nothing I can do exept keep him still,"
The nurse holds my hands. I want to cry, but I don't know why.
"Luke, honey, can you blink twice if you can hear me?"
I do.
"Alright, just relax for us, close your eyes if you like,"
I tuck my face into the pillow underneath me. Anything to feel comfort, anything to feel at all. Nothing. I'm just numb.
"Is Laur okay?"
"Shhh, don't talk, but I'll have someone check for you,"
A door opens and closes.