Hold me close

February 2024

February 2024

Louis sneaked up the stairs, trying his best to avoid the one creaky step in their staircase. Standing outside the bedroom door, he listened for any sign that Harry might be awake. They both had returned from Louis' Australian tour part two days ago after staying on in Australia to celebrate Harry's 30th birthday.

Time change, jetlag and out of his routine had thrown Harry's body into upset and not long after arriving back at their London house, he was hit with one of his worst migraine attacks in a long time. Louis knew it had to be bad as Harry had shut down completely and barely tolerated his attempts at caring for him. Even taking a breath in their bedroom irritated Harry. He hid under the bed covers, crawling to the en suite to get sick, only to get under the covers again.

Louis' heart went out to his husband but he knew at times like this it was better to stay passive and be there if he was needed but not try and upset Harry more with his attempts at caring. Even after 14 years it felt strange to Louis, but they both had it figured out by now how to handle Harry's attacks.

Louis took a deep breath as he opened the door and only stuck his head in a tiny bit. Harry was still asleep, which was good and bad. Harry was over the worst of his migraine, he was sure, but still it tore him nearly apart having to wake his husband.

Before flying out to Australia, Harry had arranged on the advise of Dr Weatherall a repeat MRI appointment. The EEG taken late last year had not shown any huge change in his brain waves but the neurologist had wanted to outrule any changes in his brain structure before trialing Harry on a new medication. Arranging the MRI less than 72 hours after arriving from the other side of the world wasn't ideal but Harry had reasoned he would have less time to get anxious about being pushed into a huge tight metal tube.

Louis walked into the darkened bedroom and sat down on the edge of their bed and let his hand slide through Harry's growing hair, trying to rouse him.

Placing a kiss on Harry's temple, Louis whispered: „Sun. So sorry to wake you, but you have your appointment this afternoon."

Louis felt Harry pushing into his hand as he continued to caress through his hair. He heard Harry mumbling some unintelligible words and trying to bury his head under his pillow.

„Come on, love." Louis tried but Harry resisted.

„Don't want to! Can't!" He replied sarcastically, annoyance clearly in his voice as he tried to swat a pillow at him.

„Don't want or can't H?" Louis asked, he wasn't going to drag Harry out if he still was too poorly.

„Want!" Harry whispers before letting out an annoyed groan.

„Right. I wait for you downstairs," Louis chuckled. It wasn't worse to bear the brunt of Harry's frustration and no doubt building anxiety at this moment.

Harry had appeared down in the kitchen after some time. Showered and dressed in comfort clothes, he sat at the kitchen table and was sipping on the steaming hot cup of coffee Louis had made.

„Just a few bites of the toast so that you can take the medication to calm you before we are leaving, yeah?" Louis asked and watched Harry closely. His husband was very quiet and staring into emptiness, trying to ignore what was ahead of him. Harry's usual coping strategy, instead of talking he withdrew.

~~~

Entering the hospital, Harry felt his heart rate rise alone from the typical hospital scent. Disinfectants and cleaning products mixing, giving it an unique fragrance.

The fluorescent lights casted a sterile glow over the MRI room, and the sound of humming machinery filled the air, a constant reminder of the clinical environment they were in. Harry sat on the edge of the MRI table, his heart racing as he observed the large, intimidating machine that loomed in front of him.