Love's Gentle Embrace

A Heart with Pain and Love

With trembling hands and a heart weighed down by the depth of Ruhaan's words, Noor turned the first page of the 2013 diary. 

Diary Entry – 2013

Dear Diary,

I don't even know where to begin. Two years... two whole years since I last opened these pages. I'm sorry, Diary. It's not that I didn't want to write; it's just that my world has been turned upside down. Everything seemed fine on the surface, but my real journey began after the accident—when Noor walked into my life like a sudden burst of light and left me in a world of darkness. It wasn't her fault, though... none of it was. Sometimes life just unfolds in ways that make no sense. There is no blame to place. And yet, here I am, drowning in this storm, unable to breathe.

So much has happened, and I don't even know if I have the strength to write it all down. Pain. Loss. It feels like I've been walking through fire, and I'm burned beyond recognition. I am not the person I was. I don't even know who I am anymore. I've lost so much. My family is gone, Diary. My parents... my brother... even Noor. They're all gone, leaving me behind to pick up the shattered pieces of my life. The only ones I have left are my grandparents, but even they can't understand the weight I carry.

Noor's heart raced as she read this. The words on the page blurred in front of her eyes, her mind unable to process the pain Ruhaan had kept hidden. She couldn't fathom how he had endured all of this in silence. Slowly, her trembling hands turned the page, knowing there was more to his story...

I tried, Noor. I really tried to be strong. The book you gave me... I looked through it so many times, hoping it would give me some kind of strength. But I couldn't find anything there. No connection. No hope. Just empty words. I was only 20 back then, just a growing adult and a child may be in so many ways. My parents always shielded me, never letting me feel pain or loss. I didn't know what it meant to suffer until it happened. Until I lost them. I wasn't ready. How could anyone be ready for this? Time didn't heal anything for me; it only took away more of what I loved.

Noor's fingers brushed the pages lightly, her eyes catching the faint stains of tear marks that had long since dried. Ruhaan's tears, his pain, still etched into the paper. She could feel it in every word, every stroke of his handwriting—how much he had suffered, how much he had broken.

Grandfather told me I should go abroad for my studies, to leave all these memories behind. I think he saw the darkness that was swallowing me. Maybe he thought a new place, a new life, would help me forget. But I didn't want to stay either. How could I, when everything reminded me of them? So I left. I left behind my home, my friends, the memories... and I came here. But I was wrong. Leaving didn't make anything better.

I'm still alone, Noor. I'm still broken. And what's worse is that I lost my connection with Allah. I used to pray, you know? But then I started blaming Him for everything. For the pain, for the loss, for taking away everyone I loved. I lost my faith, and without it, I had nothing. There were so many nights I thought about ending it all. I thought about ending me. Every time the darkness crept in, it felt like there was no escape, no reason to go on. I didn't want to live anymore.

But then... then I would see your face. In my dreams. You were always there, Noor. Even when I didn't want to be saved, even when I wanted to give in to the darkness, you were there—pulling me back. You were never with me physically, but somehow, you were always by my side. Your face would appear in my dreams, stopping me from going any further. You became my light in the darkness, even if you never knew it.

Noor felt a lump form in her throat. She had no idea she had become such a significant part of Ruhaan's life, even after they had drifted apart. Tears welled up in her eyes as she realized the depth of his suffering, the loneliness he endured, and the unspoken bond that had kept him alive.