The Cursed King's Bride KTH BTS

Chapter 31|| Raya Xenia|| My King?



I knew. 

I knew the answer, but I was afraid of testing the waters. I always feared drowning. The deep invite pools of care and belonging. I once dwelled in them, deep and pronounced. But when I was thrown out from them I had all my memories sucked in a hurricane. 

Induced fears of the depths I once found home. Now I step away from the shackles they camouflaged in them. My Gran loved me but she hated my Dad more. The love turned somewhat cynical at how abruptly she was snatched away from her daughter. Hated how she had to lose her precious daughter because of my Dad. Her love always came with a price tag. A demand. A benefit.

"Ace the tests, if you want to go for Taylor's birthday." That was one of the hardest tests I had to ace, but I still got it done, only to be ridiculed for studying for long hours for the test. "You are nothing compared to my daughter. A useless dumb swine."

"Let's watch a movie tonight. Get the files done before 9." I cleared everything in the house, including her desk, because the last time I didn't touch her belongings, afraid she might vent it out on me again, she chided me for being an irrational fool. So I cleared them all only to be yelled at in my face. "You pathetic idiot! You should not have cleaned my files!"

"We shall celebrate your birthday this time. Clean the house." I was a fool for love. One sweet word from her, and I was so docile and compliant with her orders, unaware of her intentions. She did celebrate my birthday at that time. A grand one I may add. But still, I ended up with tears on the night because I accidentally forgot to send the bills to the worker, which was not super important,t, but still, she had to spoil my day. "You are one useless burden on my back that I can't scrub away until it's time. Get lost!"

There was some point in time I realised she loved me if I was of benefit to her and my efforts were rather unseen when she was occupied. And she made it very hard for me to trust anyone. Her double standards taught me to put a leash around my emotions and never tell them my needs. My cruel history stands as proof of how vulnerable I was for happiness and care. And they took too many parts of me that brought the cold shivers back in my bones at the mere thought of it. 

Giving in.

That doomed me.

It took my time to believe in my friends but I still stand far away from the shore of hope and promises. Being unloved hurts but being betrayed kills. It was one reason why dealing with Aaron wasn't very hard for me. I neither loved him nor trusted him. He was just a mere distraction from the mess my Gran and Claire pulled me into. It feels delusional to think I ever thought I could feel something for him that was none but platonic. 

And there is the man who is staring at me now. Those intense, stormy eyes read my expression, carefully trying to make out my words even without me voicing them out. He stormed into my life. Barged in all mighty and threatening. In raw words, he yanked me to his centre of gravity. 

As much as I hated it before and still do, we aligned perfectly. Our centres are a perfect jigsaw for one another. 

And he was the one who I held against all conceited words of mine. I want to laugh at how I trusted him with all the hatred. It was absurd. Very absurd. But I was learning to trust him bit by bit, and it was his fierce promises that I was holding on to for a brighter future, but giving away the answers to his questions was still commendable. 

He loved me.

I know he did.

But was I really lovable?

Can someone love me? 

Love me? 

Like really love me?