The Night Skies ~ Avengers

CHAPTER 11

The added weight I carried with me on my way home, caused me to be even more aware about my surroundings.

Was that lady looking at my jacket? I wondered as I entered the subway station. Scanning the walls for cameras and police walking by me caused my breathing to quicken.

Just act normal, I was sure no one would notice it, would they?

Questions swarmed my head, I closed my eyes and told myself to focus and calm down. The people around me may not notice my change of character, they didn't know me, but the people waiting for me in the Avengers tower did. I had to adjust, act normal and I would be alright.

I stepped inside the metro, luckily it wasn't as busy as before and I could sit in a practically empty carriage.

I put in my earbuds, in need of some distraction, as the music drowned out my thoughts my breathing slowed down. I could do this, I would be fine. It was just a gun, nothing special.

Like Jess said, pretend it isn't there. I repeated his words through my head for the remainder of the ride and left the subway station in a hurry.

~~~~

"Welcome back," the receptionist greeted me, her smile warm but scrutinizing. I nodded in response, letting the familiar surroundings momentarily calm my nerves.

As I made my way to the elevators, my thoughts went back to Jess and the conversation we'd had before, "Pretend it isn't there." His words echoed in my head, but my mind wouldn't listen.

I pulled the jacket tighter around me, feeling the cool metal of the firearm hidden inside.

The elevator doors slid shut, enclosing me in a familiar cocoon, calming my nerves.

Each floor ticked off like a countdown, my heart beating a little faster as the number on the screen got higher.

Finally, the doors opened on my floor, and I stepped out, breathing in the scent of fresh coffee and the faint sound of chatter from the common room.

I needed to hurry, I had to go to my room first. As I walked down the hallway, my eyes darted from door to door wishing for them to stay closed.

My prayers were heard as I reached my door without a single interaction. I pushed the door open and stepped inside, instantly enveloped by a calmness I'd longed for.

I'd created a safe space here—walls covered with various pictures, a potted plant peeking silently in the corner. My vinyl was still playing, as Lana Del Rey's voice filled the room.

With a quick glance over my shoulder, I made my way to the small drawer in my nightstand. With a swift motion, I pulled it open and placed the gun inside, feeling the heaviness lift just slightly off my soul.

I took a deep breath, forcing myself to stay calm, it was over. I made a promise to myself to ignore its existence, bringing it here was a mistake. So I locked the drawer with a tiny key and placed it on my desk, planning on never touching it again.

~~~~~~~~~

I found myself in a similar situation as last night, feeling a hint of disappointment in myself. But I reminded myself that I wasn't here because of a nightmare; I was here because my mind was occupied. It was a preventative all-nighter, I knew what would come if I tried to sleep, nightmares. It would be better to avoid it then face it.

I sighed, knowing I couldn't convince myself that these nights spent reading and worrying were acceptable. For the first time since Jess had given it to me, I found myself thankful for the gun.