Brehier

Return

Ellen heaves a sigh, kneeling down in front of you. "Look at you... you're a mess. You shouldn't be dealing with this on your—"

Wait.

"I want my life to change..."

I look at you, a mix of concern and disbelief on my face. "...YOU... you really want your life to change? You don't actually want or like this, do you?"

You start sobbing. "Sometimes I wake up regretting being born and bringing this misery to my mother... I must have been the reason why Dad left..."

My expression turns sad and shocked. "Regret being born? And you think your father left because of you? It's not your fault, you know? He shouldn't have left in the first place."

You respond with deep sadness. "I shouldn't have been conceived in the first place..."

Your desperation grows. "No... no... Don't think like that. You shouldn't even be thinking anything like that. How many times have you even eaten these past few years? You have a mother to care for; you can't just do this to yourself..."

"That's why I work hard each day in as many low-paying jobs as I can find... Where do you think these scars come from?"

I look closer and suddenly notice the countless small scars, cuts, and scrapes. "What the...? You got these from doing odd jobs?"

You say nothing.

I sigh and grip your shoulders again, trying to make you look at me. "Hey, hey. Look at me. If you've been working and trying that hard, why are you still this emaciated? Where is all your pay going?"

"Mom... She needs to eat and pay for the light, and water... And clothing whenever the older pieces finally decay completely..."

"I see. So you've been giving your earnings to your mom... but still, you have to eat too, you know. Your body needs sustenance to even be able to work. If you keep living and going on like this, you'll just end up killing yourself in the end."

"What does it matter if I die? She will have a big chunk of expenses gone from her back... And maybe that way a man finds her attractive again and she picks up from there..."

More frustration emerges in my voice. "Stop being so damn stupid! You're not expandable! If you die, what do you think will happen to your mom? Do you think she'll be glad that she suddenly doesn't have to deal with a living expense? Or will she just become even more depressed at the death of her beloved child?!"

You begin to cry at the realization that you never considered your mother's feelings.

I ruffle your hair. "Stop being so dense. Of course your mom would mourn your death. You're all she has left. Do you really think dying and leaving her alone would make things better?"

You cry more.

I let out a sigh and then wrap an arm around your head, pulling you closer in a one-armed hug. "You're really an idiot, do you know that? Thinking about other people's well-being before yourself... you really are selfless."

"I am an idiot..."

You lean closer in the hug and rub your head against me. "An idiot... And a fool. Thinking death is the solution to your problems."

"I am an idiot and a fool..."

I suddenly grip your head and make you look up at me. "Stop that. You're not an idiot or a fool. You're just... too selfless for your own good. To the point of self-sabotage."

Suddenly, rushing footsteps can be heard running from the distance and a figure appears at the alleyway exit—it's the counter gentleman.

I hear the footsteps and look up, noticing the counter gentleman approaching. "Huh? Why is he here..."