midnight in the garden of eden - carl grimes

XI

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xi.

wouldn't it be nice
"in the kind of world where we belong"

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After a meal, a shower, a change of clothes, and a night of rest—we stand at the gates of Alexandria, the wind tugging lightly at the edges of my red flannel jacket. Michonne stands in front of me, her arms crossed tightly, her eyes searching my face like she's trying to memorize it. Like I might not come back this time. I swallow hard, not sure what to say. Goodbye has never been easy.

My backpack feels heavier than usual, though it's not because of anything I'm carrying. It's because of everything I'm leaving behind. Judith hugs me first, her small arms wrapped tight around my waist, her face buried in my chest. I can feel her tears dampening my shirt, but I don't pull away.

"I'm gonna miss you, Carl." She says, her voice muffled.

"I'll miss you too, Judy. I won't be gone forever, I promise." I run my hand through her hair, my chest tightening as I pull away, crouching down to meet her eyes. "Stay out of trouble. Look after RJ and Mom for me."

She nods, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, but her lips are pressed into that determined line she gets when she's trying to be tough. I look to RJ, who's been quiet, watching the whole thing with those wide, innocent eyes of his.

"You be good, too, okay?" I say, ruffling his hair. He grins and gives me a hug, his little arms around me.

"I will!" RJ beams up at me, and I force a smile before standing straight again, turning to Michonne.

She's standing a few feet away, her arms crossed over her chest like she's holding herself together. Her eyes are dark, searching, the way they always are when she's trying to say more than what her words allow. I step forward, and before I can even think, she pulls me into a hug, tight and strong, like she's afraid if she lets go, I'll disappear.

"I love you, Carl." She whispers, her voice breaking just enough for me to hear it. And for a second, I'm not standing at the gates, saying goodbye. I'm a kid again, living under her roof, back in her arms when the world didn't seem all too complicated.

"I love you too, Mom." I say back, the word slipping out before I can think about it. I don't call her that often—not because she doesn't deserve it, but because it's always felt... Loaded. But now, it feels right. She's the closest thing I've had to a mom in years. And the way she squeezes me tighter tells me it meant as much to her as it did to me.

She pulls back, blinking quickly to fight off the tears, but I see them. Her lips quirk up in a small, sad smile, and she runs her hand over the top of my head, the way she used to when I was younger, when things were simpler. When I was simpler.

"Be safe." She says thick with emotion. "I mean it. You better come back."

"I will." I promise, though we both know that nothing's certain anymore.

Michonne glances over my shoulder, her eyes landing on Lydia. She stand a few feet away, dressed in a clean blue sweater, watching quietly, unsure of where she fits into this goodbye. Michonne's gaze hardens slightly, but not in anger—more in contemplation, like she's still figuring out how to feel about Lydia being here, about her being with me.

Her voice softens as she leans in, her eyes never leaving Lydia. "Is she worth it?"

The question catches me off guard, but only for a second. Because I already know the answer. I've known since I went after her in the woods, since I fought to get her back.