Stupid Girl That Won't Ever Leave My Mind

6

I can't believe I fumbled you.
I threw you out like a bunch of trash. I never realized I was in love with you until you were gone. And I burn so much because of it.
Any slight mention of you these days drives me crazy. I can't stand knowing your right in front of me, just out of reach. It truly is killer. Anytime you are mentioned ever so slightly like a girl who used to sit with us in 7th grade talking about our lunch table and how little she can recall from that year,( I can relate) and the first thing that comes out of my mouth is how much I miss you and how much I can't wait to see you again.
Its kind of funny how much I love you, its quite hopeless honestly. The other day I was listening to "until I found you" it's quite corny but I can imageine myself dancing with you to it. You probably wouldn't want to dance, if anything we would stand in a corner of a room making fun of people in the room dancing and doing everything but what we're supposed to be doing. It warms my heart to think about you. And it hurts knowing your only in my imagination now and days. I can hear your strange laugh that makes me cackle because you sound so frantic like a manaic I can't help but laugh at you. I can imagine you walking in my mind. For some reason the way you walk is much different the how many other people walk and I can always spot you out from a crowd when your walking. Your also very tall. I can always just look up in a crowd and see your ponytail waving around.
I remember last year in human geography, we had that class together along with Marley. In the begging of the year our assigned seats were all spread out, none of us near one another. Although in the end of the year we were sat together. You in front, Marley behind you, and me diagnole from Marley, in another row... It's funny, I remember in the end of the year when my crush on you was so strong, I would be so jealous of Marley. How she got to talk to you all the time because she was behind you and I was so far away. The jealousy was sooo bad it's hilarious thinking back to it. I honestly don't know how I did it, having a fat crush on someone is so mentally tiring I don't know if I could have feelings like that for someone again. But yet again that's the best thing I could get. To feel so strong for someone, to feel so strong about every aspect of a person. Like, how does that even begin to happen? How the hell do I become so attached to every single part of you? Love is so crazy to me, just can't rap my head around it. I wonder how your day was, I wonder what crappy food they had at lunch. I especially wonder how long you stood in line to get said nasty food, and I wonder how quite and lonely it feels with out me filling that void. I wonder if you get deja vu standing in that line. The same line I stood in with you last year every A day. We would talk about the most stupid shit ever in that line. Absolutely stupid. I feel like you really brought out the stupid in me. I feel like we all need a little stupid in us. Makes us more open minded y'know. And Im pretty sure I carried this "stupidness" with me to this year. I feel like, I have a peice of you in me. Like your the little rat in rattitoue in my brain yanking me around making me have thoughts, thoughts that you would typically have. Maybe because how much I hung out with you last year. Maybe your implement yourself and your ideals into my though process. Maybe you left such a big imprint on me that I can't help but imitate you. Hah, oh my gosh I just realized this sounds like that one my hero academia audio with deku. I did nottt mean to do that 😭.