Far Yet Forever

Chapter 09

“Jealousy is a fire that reveals what the heart is truly afraid to lose.”

A

arin POV
As the evening wore on, I found myself unable to shake the feeling that something was bothering her. I’d noticed a shift in her mood earlier, and the way she’d responded to my texts was different from usual. Even though she hadn’t gone into details, I could sense that something was weighing on her.

When she mentioned having an unexpected conversation with someone from her past, I tried to stay neutral, but I couldn’t help feeling a pang of jealousy. It was irrational, I knew—especially since we weren’t officially anything more than friends. Yet, the thought of someone from her past affecting her, stirring up emotions, made me uneasy.

I tried to push the feelings aside, focusing instead on being supportive and giving her the space she needed. But as the night progressed, the more I thought about it, the more I felt that tight knot of jealousy twist in my stomach.

Why does it bother me so much? I wondered, pacing around my room. I should be happy that she’s handling things on her own, right?

But it wasn’t just about her handling things. It was about the idea of someone from her past possibly interfering in her present. The thought of her being affected by someone else, especially someone who had hurt her before, gnawed at me.

I found myself replaying her words and the context in which she mentioned her ex. It was clear she didn’t want to delve into the details, but the vague sense of discomfort she had conveyed was enough to get under my skin.

The jealousy I felt wasn’t just about wanting her attention or affection—it was more about a protective instinct. I cared about her, more deeply than I had initially realized, and the idea of anyone causing her distress made me want to be even more present for her.

By the time I sent my last message, offering her my support, I felt a mix of relief and frustration. I had to remind myself that it wasn’t about controlling her or dictating her feelings. It was about being there for her, even when it was difficult for me to process my own emotions.

As I lay in bed, my mind still racing, I realized that what I was feeling was more than just jealousy. It was a growing attachment, an indication of how much I had come to care for her. It was both daunting and exhilarating—this emotional investment was new to me, and navigating it was proving to be more complicated than I had anticipated.

The more I thought about her conversation with her ex, the more the jealousy gnawed at me. I tried to focus on being supportive and neutral, but the unease in my chest wouldn’t go away. It wasn’t just about feeling left out; it was about a deeper, unsettling feeling that I didn’t fully understand.

To clear my mind, I decided to head to a bar—a place I rarely visited but thought might offer a distraction. Maybe a change of scenery and a couple of drinks would help me process everything and take the edge off.

As I walked into the dimly lit bar, the noise and clinking of glasses was a stark contrast to the quiet contemplation I’d been used to. I ordered a drink and took a seat at the bar, trying to drown out the swirling thoughts in my head.

The bartender slid the drink in front of me, and I took a deep gulp, hoping it would numb the confusion and jealousy I felt. I tried to focus on the surrounding chatter and the occasional laughter from other patrons. It was an attempt to remind myself that there were other things in life besides my tangled emotions.

Despite the distraction, my thoughts kept drifting back to her—her reaction, her past, and the way she had seemed so distant lately. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being left out of something important, and it frustrated me more than I cared to admit.

As I nursed my drink, I realized that the bar wasn’t really helping. It was just another way of avoiding the feelings I needed to confront. I needed to figure out how to deal with these emotions—jealousy, confusion, and the growing affection I had for her.

I left the bar feeling a bit more numb but with a clearer sense that I couldn’t avoid facing these feelings. The distraction hadn’t worked; if anything, it had only made me realize that I had to address my feelings directly, whether I liked it or not.

When I got back home, I took a deep breath and tried to calm my racing thoughts. I knew I had to figure out how to manage these emotions without letting them dictate my actions. For now, it was about understanding my feelings and finding a way to balance my own needs with the support I wanted to offer her.