Far Yet Forever

Chapter 15

"In the midst of confusion and heartbreak, I realized that my heart was a fragile thing, caught between the remnants of the past and the uncertain promise of the future."

I was pacing around my room when my phone rang. It was Aarin. My heart raced as I stared at his name lighting up the screen. I hesitated for a moment before answering.

"Hello?" My voice came out softer than I intended, but there was something comforting about hearing his voice on the other end.

"Aarisha," he said in a husky, happy tone. The sound of my name in his voice made me feel warm inside, like a cozy blanket wrapping around me. I didn’t realize how much I had missed him until that moment.

The silence hung for a beat too long, and I felt the weight of everything unsaid between us. But before I could spiral into my thoughts, he spoke again.

“Let’s not talk about all the serious stuff and spoil the mood,” Aarin said, his voice suddenly lighter. “It’s our first call after all! So, how’s my voice? Like a monkey’s?”

I laughed out loud, the tension easing from my shoulders. “A monkey? Really, Aarin?” His playfulness felt like a welcome escape from all the confusion that had been clouding my mind.

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t want to scare you off now, do I?” He chuckled, and I could imagine the mischievous grin on his face.

“You could never scare me off,” I said, smiling. “Besides, your voice is… well, it’s not what I expected.”

“Oh? And what did you expect?” he teased.

I paused, trying to put it into words. “I don’t know… maybe something more formal, but you’re… real. It’s nice.”

Aarin’s laugh softened. “I’m glad you think so. Honestly, I was excited to hear your voice, too. I’ve thought about this call a lot.”

His words made my heart flutter, and I felt my cheeks warm. How was it that just hearing his voice could make me feel so much?

“I’m sorry I couldn’t pick up earlier,” he added, a hint of sadness in his voice. “I was dealing with something.”

“It’s okay,” I replied quickly, not wanting him to feel bad about it. “I just... I didn’t know if you’d answer. But I’m glad you did.”

“I wouldn’t miss hearing your voice for anything,” he said quietly, and I felt my pulse quicken at his sincerity.

There was a comfortable silence between us, the kind where you don’t need to fill the space with words. I realized that in this moment, everything felt right. The confusion I had been wrestling with seemed to melt away, even if just for now. I didn’t need to figure it all out immediately. I just needed to be here, talking to Aarin.

“I guess this is our first real conversation, huh?” I said, breaking the quiet.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “And I’m really glad it’s happening.”

I smiled to myself, knowing that even though everything else was uncertain, this connection with Aarin felt steady—something I could hold onto.

I hesitated for a moment, thinking about everything that had been building up inside me. Aarin had always been there, listening and supporting me, but there was so much I hadn’t told him yet. So many feelings I hadn’t dared to speak out loud.

“Aarin,” I said softly, trying to find the right words. “Can I… can I open up about something? I’ve been feeling things lately, and I don’t really know how to deal with them.”

There was a pause on his end, but I could feel his attention through the silence. “Of course,” he replied, his voice calm and reassuring. “You know I’m a good listener. You can tell me anything, Aarisha.”

I bit my lip, my heart pounding as I tried to gather my thoughts. It wasn’t easy for me to talk about what was really going on inside my head, but with Aarin, it felt different. I trusted him in a way I hadn’t trusted anyone before.

“I wanted to tell you...,” I started, my voice faltering a little. “Lately, I’ve been feeling things—confusing things, and I’m not sure if I should even be feeling them.”

I paused again, waiting for his reaction. But all I could hear was the steady sound of his breathing on the other end, and it made me feel safe enough to continue.

“I mean, I don’t even know what all of this means, or why it’s happening. But it’s been on my mind for a while now,” I said quietly. “And… I guess I just needed to tell you, because I don’t know how to make sense of it on my own.”

My chest felt so tight, it was hard to breathe. The silence from Aarin's side of the line weighed heavy, but I knew what I had to say. He deserved the truth, no matter how much it hurt to admit. My heart was racing, each beat like a reminder of the confusion swirling inside me.

"I've been thinking about Arjun," I began, my voice trembling. Just saying his name out loud brought a flood of emotions I didn’t want to feel. "I saw him again, and… I don’t know. Part of me wondered if maybe, just maybe, we could have another chance. But then—"

I swallowed hard, my throat tight with unshed tears. "But then, something in me just screamed no. I can’t explain it. I know how much he hurt me, and yet, I thought about it. I thought about giving him a second chance. But my heart... it doesn’t want that anymore. It can’t."

The tears were falling now, hot and fast, and I didn’t even try to stop them. My hand shook as I gripped the phone tighter, feeling the weight of my own words crashing down on me. "He’s part of my past, and seeing him again made everything feel so... so familiar. But familiarity isn’t love, is it? It’s not enough."

I took a shaky breath, the silence on the other end of the call pressing down on me. "And then... then there’s you, Aarin."

My voice wavered, and I could feel the tears blurring my vision, even though he couldn’t see me. "You’ve been so kind to me. You’ve been there, listening to everything, supporting me, even when I didn’t deserve it. Your confession—" I choked on the words, trying to keep my emotions in check, but it was impossible. "Your confession... it made me feel something I wasn’t ready for."

Tears streamed down my face, and I couldn’t hold it back anymore. "I like you, Aarin. I like you so much. But... but I haven’t fully developed the feelings I wish I had. Not yet. I want to, but I’m still so lost."

My voice cracked, and I could barely speak through the sobs now. "And it kills me to say this. You deserve more. You deserve someone who knows exactly what they want, not someone who's stuck between the past and the present. I hate that I’m so confused, that I can’t give you the certainty you deserve."

The silence stretched between us, and the weight of it was unbearable. I buried my face in my hands, my heart aching with the fear of what he might say, of the pain I was causing him. "I don’t want to hurt you," I whispered, my voice breaking. "But I think I already have."

I waited, trembling, feeling like the ground beneath me was crumbling away, terrified that I had already ruined everything, that my confusion would push him away forever. And in that moment, I felt so incredibly small, trapped in my own heartbreak, unsure of where my heart truly belonged.

The silence continued to stretch, suffocating me. I couldn’t bear it anymore. I couldn’t let him hear my sobs, my weakness. "I... I need to go," I said, my voice barely a whisper. I didn’t wait for a response.

With shaking hands, I cut the call. The disconnection felt final, like slamming a door on everything I wished I could say. The tears continued to fall, and I was left alone in my room, surrounded by the shadows of my confusion, drowning in the choices I couldn’t make.