Loving Cynthia Daily

Chapter 2

Cynthia

I yawned and groggily picked up my phone from the nightstand. The bright, glowing screen said 07:42 – I had over slept! With a sigh, I rolled onto my back, luxuriating in the softness of the duvet beneath me. 13:30 was when I'd meet up with my friends, so I still had time to squeeze in a run. With a disgruntled grunt, I threw off the blankets and stumbled towards the window. With one tug on the curtain cord, the room was flooded with golden sunlight. 

I turned on one of my motivation books to help switch my mood to help me think more positively. It was a very painful and arduous journey to getting myself back to my fully confident self. My self love journey started 5 years ago when I decided to break up with my ex boyfriend. 

He wasn't a bad guy at first but it was clear that we both weren't our dream person. We met during college and had stayed together for several years. At first it was fun and shinny new but we quickly settled into a slow state of monotony, the days blurred into one. We had drifted apart he started to come home late and go on "business trips" and always worked late. 

It wasn't until I found a receipt for flowers in his jacket pocket whilst doing the laundry, when I found out that he had been cheating on me. I then decided to do some digging and revealed his many "business trips" was just a ploy to go and spend weekends away with her. He had bought her some expensive lingerie and do you know what the worst part of it was everything i had asked him to get me for special occasions like birthdays, Christmas our anniversary he bought her. It was like he was thriving on knowing he was embarrassing me. 

He always made up some excuse why he couldn't buy them for me and said we need to cut back and save our money for actual meaningful things and for our future. Stupidly I believed him. Serves me right for believing a guy that worked in finance who's job was to sell people dreams. He was an investment banker, i should have known better. 

After I confronted him he didn't even lie he had a cold, hard emotionless expression on his face. That's when I saw the real monster I had been living with and sleeping next to all of those years. He said "I'm leaving you. What did you think I could ever want you? Please just be serious for once. I'm going places did you really think I would settle with you? I'm destined for success. I can't have you dragging me down!". He pushed past me, packed his stuff and walked out of my life. 

I was stunned, I could barely comprehend what had just happened. From that day I vowed to not every let any man treat me as if I was second best or they were settling for me. I started to go to therapy and listened to female empowerment speeches to help me get to where i am now.

Every time I look in the mirror I slowly no longer see the old scared insecure woman I used to be. Thinking back on how far I have come, no longer having anxiety and depression with low self worth, determinedly, I made my way into the bathroom.

With new found optimism I thought maybe her date wouldn't be so bad after all. All my friends new my story and had supported me throughout the whole process Derek was there for me too I know even if the date didn't go well there's no way it could be worse than her crappy experience with Kyle.

He spent the entire date belittling her, spewing nonsense about how woman wanted men to be providers but didn't have much to offer them in return except for one thing. He then proceeded to go for a "bathroom break" and ducked out leaving her with the bill. Anger boiled inside her as she recalled the memory and the embarrassment of what he had done. Taking a deep breath she silently made a vow that she would walk out on any guy that gave her the first sign of a red flag as she didn't want to relive that moment ever again instead of staying until the end.

After finishing my morning routine, I pulled on my running gear and tied my hair back into a ponytail. As soon as I stepped outside, the crisp morning air filled my nostrils and seemed to enter my lungs like an icy gust of wind. The tension from the week melted away as I began to move, my music blaring in my ears and setting the pace for me. Anxiety about my upcoming date started to build within me - something I hadn't experienced in some time - but with each stride, it fell further and further away.