Better than twilight (I'll come up with a better name later I promise)

Chapter 5: I get locked in a meat locker and have another existential crisis

I immediately climb up the ladder-like stairs and start trying to open the door, but banging on the handle and tugging and pushing does nothing. "Tea! What the hell? Where is this? Why is there a random door in the middle of the forest? AND WHY ARE WE HERE?" I'm freaking out, what if someone locked us in here?

Tea starts apologizing profusely, "I am SO sorry. This is a meat locker, there's a farm nearby and this is where they store the stuff in salt barrels after they smoke it, but there's also raw meat here sometimes, and Deborah said I could use it since... Y'know blood an' stuff" She trails off. "Not to be rude or anything, but that's gross dude" I say. "This wasn't supposed to happen. Why does weird stuff always happen to me?" Tea slumps on the floor.  Looking around now, I can see the aforementioned barrels and strings of wrapped up meat everywhere.  "The door automatically locks; I should have warned you. You must have somehow triggered the door to close" Tea says.

"Wait, you know Deborah too?" I ask, I wonder if everyone knows Deborah.  Of course she knows Deborah

                                                                                             ***

After what I guess to be an hour, literally nothing happens. It's probably around midnight. "Merry Christmas" I whisper. Tea smiles sadly.  I stand up, "ok, whatever is happening here is sad as hell, and god this is depressing. We need to liven things up around here, get ourselves a little celebration if y'know what I mean? I'm not going to waste Christmas moping in a salty cellar full of sad pork."

"There is no time for self-pity, let's bust outa here and get this party started!" I know I'm probably being over the top, but I said what I said, and I stand by it.   

"Can I get some food first?" Tea interrupts my chatter. "I kind of came here to eat in private, because vampire stuff. I haven't had my uhh, y'know. So, can you give me some space? If I don't get my proper iron intake my flesh kind of withers away, and I'm not very keen or in the mood for that right now..."  My stomach grumbles, I'm hungry too now that I think of it. Raw bloody meat doesn't seem that appetizing though, but to each their own, I guess.  "Can you please turn away? This is embarrassing." Tea now has a piece of dripping steak in her hand. I promptly turn around to face the wall just as she sinks her pointy teeth in.

I try to ignore the sounds coming from the corner, but I sneak a peek and am met with the sight of blood dripping from her mouth onto a now greyish piece of meat. Remind me to bleach my eyes later. Now I understand why she needed the meat, duh it's blood. Why can't I connect the dots sometimes? I'm turning into a clueless protagonist.  

When she's done getting her iron intake, I start trying to break down the door again.  It won't fuckin' budge still. What. The. Heck.  I scream in frustration. "UAGHHHH WHY WONT IT OPEN?" Whoever created self-locking doors is a monster.  Unless you're someone who forgets to lock doors.  In that case, good for you?

I never thought I'd die rotting in a hole with a bunch of meat. I want to die in a super badass way. Like, I ride a unicorn into the sunset and do a backflip and explode while jazz music plays in the background. Years later when they find my bones, I'll be covered in glitter, and they'll take me to space and eventually the dust of my remains will join the infinite cosmos. That's obviously wishful thinking, I would prefer not to pass on to the other realm at all, but if I got to go that's the best scenario.  

What even is the meaning of all of this?

Tea interrupts my endless thoughts with a small cough, and I realize that I've just been standing on the steps next to the broken hatch just staring into space.  

She asks, "Are you okay dude?" I just nod my head and slowly climb down from my perch.  I'm probably still in shock that this is happening to me in the first place.   

                                                                                              ***

Awhile has passed now and I've resorted to chewing on jerky that I found in a barrel that tastes like a cross between chicken and beef. I'm sitting in the corner and it's actually really cold. It's not like the snow magically disappeared. I'm surprised that I didn't freeze and die of hypothermia on the way here. I'm still wearing my pjs. Woe is me. Woe is Tea. She's still in her pajamas too, but problem solved there's a pile of puffy jackets in the corner for some reason, that I immediately scramble towards. Tea says that Deborah leaves them there so she can be warm. Deborah saves the day again.

The sun starts rising as we sit in awkward silence, not knowing what to say.  And you're probably wondering, "Roanes, how do you know how the sun is coming up if you're in a hole in the ground?" Well you see, the trap door has cracks in it so when light shines through, obviously I can tell.

I break the silence, "so, Tea what's it like being a vampire?" She looks up in surprise that I asked a question like I care.  She stays quiet for a while, contemplating an answer. Eventually she responds, "It's like, all my senses are heightened. Everything is brighter, everything is sharper, but at the same time, it's so slow. Suddenly I am both aware, and unaware at the exact same time, if that makes sense?" It doesn't.

She continues, "and I'm so hungry all the time too. I could eat 1,000 lasagnas right now." She laughs, "I never thought this would happen to me. I'm just a normal person."

"Normal people aren't vampires." I say, "Vampires are super cool, if you ask me." She seems heartened that I think this way.

Just as we're having a bonding moment, we're interrupted by a loud knocking and/or clanking noise coming from the direction of the trapdoor. We both look up suddenly, and the hinges creak as the door opens. Me and Tea scramble towards the silhouette in the doorway. "Someone's come for us!" I practically shout. "I hope it's Deborah," Tea says.  I was starting to think that the universe was out to get me.  

I reach the top of the ladder stairs first, and the greasy haired, pale face sneering at me, informs me, that, no, it is in fact, not Deborah.  "Oh bloody hell!" I exclaim.

He scowls at me and Tea. Judging by look on his face, he seems disappointed that we're not dead yet.  

"Well, if it isn't Timothy." I say with contempt. I was just about to forget that grudge too! Now he has to show up here and ruin my day, like he usually does.  "Yes, it is I, Timothy." He says, with the aura of an oily worm.  

He's blocking our way, and since I'm tired and hangry, I try to shove him out of my path, but he resists.

"Dude, what the hell? We've been stuck in here all night, and you won't even let us pass!" Timothy (or Timmy, as I shall now call him, because that's more demeaning in my opinion) clears his throat in a low raspy manner, "I have gotten permission." He smiles menacingly, in a giddy way. "Permission?" I pause trying to push him, Tea's listening silently behind me. "Permission for what?" 

 He pauses dramatically, like the drama queen he is. "Permission to have you removed from this property." He is speaking in such a nasally tone that it's getting hard to take him seriously. I scoff, "You've got to be kidding us man, on whose authority?"

He's flashing his unnaturally pointy yellow teeth at us now, "Mine." 

And then Tea punched the scumbag in the face.

"What the-" He straightens up, revealing a fresh bloody nose.  "What the FUCK?!" He lunges back at her, nails flying, but I grab his weak wrist and hold him back.  "Let go of me! You've got no right! I have the papers!" He pleads.  "No dice Timmy" I say, "I'm afraid you've overstayed your welcome. Now run along." I shove him in the opposite direction towards the hotel, and the coward runs off yelling something like, "You'll regret this!" but I couldn't care less.  

This may or may not come back to haunt me later. Eh, whatever I could beat Timmy in a fight any day.  That grease head's got nothing on me.

We're still our slippers and pajamas, but we start trudging back to the hotel anyways. "I could really go for a coffee right now." Tea says to me. We both chuckle, "Yeah, a coffee would be nice." So off we went through the cold snow, the promise of a delicious beverage keeping us warm.