This one's for you

I've officially missed you longer than I knew you,
And I tell myself its fine,
Since I always had the feeling
I'd known you for a much longer time.

I've printed more words on paper
Than after my first heartbreak.
But still, I feel much better
Compared to dealing with that ache.

It's easier to write
When you don't feel so empty inside.
Since parting from you is a matter of mind-
I don't have to unlove you,
Don't need to adjust to not having you in my life,
Since you were never truly by my side.

But just because it's easier to write
Doesn't mean it's less of a fight.
Thus, I must let go of what I built in my mind,
All by myself – only with hints
Of whatever could've been, since
It's only been four dates,
Which was somehow enough for me to think it was fate.

Maybe I'll always wonder what could've been,
But that's not enough of a reason to try again.
I've learned to love myself enough
To walk away when there's no chance
For a love so kind that I don't have to give up
Parts of myself.

So: Go ride on your speedboat,
Live all that you can.
But when you travel far
And you're out away from land,
Don't look for a lifeguard-
Because there's no chance
I will be waiting until you've seen it all,
Till you choke on the water you went in on your own
And realise you're about to drown.
Don't choose me for safety alone.

You've got to learn how to deal with big waves
When you enter waters so deep.
To hold your breath,
And swim for endurance, not speed.
I would've held your hand, but I feared
You'd sweep me of my feet.
So until you learn how to love yourself enough
And align what you want and what you need.
My door is closed;
know your priorities.
If you wanted me enough,
We could've learned from each other how to trust