IT ENDS WITH HIM (Completed)

11. Demure

Today was Yusra and Omar's baby shower. Hafsa never understood why parents to be hosted baby showers as there's never any guarantee that the baby will make it. Her own mother had a still born after having her. In Hafsa's eyes, the only baby event worth having was the Aqeeqah, after the baby was born.

The weather was slowly getting nicer now as it was March and spring was just around the corner. She quickly cleaned around the house and started steaming their outfits for the event. She was going to wear a maroon dress while Khalid was to wear a light blue dress shirt with navy blue dress pants. They quickly got dressed and as soon as she was about to grab her purse, her husband spoke out.

"Why aren't you wearing a hijab?" Asked Khalid.
"What do you mean? I haven't been wearing it for months now." It was true. Over the past few months, her spirituality was at a low and she didn't feel right wearing it. Khalid's question triggered something inside of Hafsa. She knew she would be reprimanded for taking off her hijab but by the same man who stood by her decision? It just wasn't adding up. So she pressed on.

"What's going on Khalid? What's this really about?"
"What do you think? My entire family will be there tonight. Go wrap it around your head and do not embarrass me, or else you will regret it." He clenched his jaw, grabbed his car keys right before saying, " I'll be waiting in the car."

Hafsa stood there frozen while the minute hand kept on ticking. She wasn't comfortable wearing the hijab right now, especially since she hadn't been praying for months. She felt so filthy and horrible. A part of her was afraid of what was to follow if she didn't obey his orders but she knew

She angrily dug out a black hijab that she had thrown months ago into the back of her wardrobe and haughtily tried wrapping the loose fabric around her head. In doing so, she accidentally pricked her finger with one of her bobby pins. She watched as a little drop of blood poured out of her fingertip. She sighed and tried again. As soon as the fabric had framed her face, she glanced at herself and the mirror and started bawling. She hated how empty her soul had become and how foreign her hijab had become to her. She hated how ugly she felt when once upon a time she felt beautiful in it. She hated how she hadn't prayed in months and how the hijab made her look anything but religious. She was a hot mess and she knew no matter what Khalid's wrath would be, she wasn't able to comply; not this time. So she unwrapped the black cloth from her head and wiped away her tears. Minutes must've gone by as she found herself facing an angry Khalid.
"What the hell Hafsa! What's taking you so long? Where's your hijab?" Yelled Kahlid.

She glared at the fabric on the bed and Khalid followed her gaze. Without saying another word, he grabbed Hafsa's wrist and yanked her to wear her hijab laid on the bed. Khalid had watched his wife put on the hijab way too many times. Within a few seconds he managed to wrap it around her face.

"Stop Khalid, I'm not wearing it!" Cried out Hafsa.
"You will not disobey me," he seethed.
"I just can't." She half whispered. The hijab was off her head again.

Khalid watched as Hafsa removed the hijab off her head. He had made up his mind. If she was willing to embarrass him infront of his family then she wasn't going to come.

Hafsa had seen that look in his eyes before. It was the look that predators have their prey right before the hunt. Before she could react, the hijab that was just in her hand was not tightly wrapped around her neck.

"Kha-" she couldn't speak.
She tried to tear the fabric away from her neck but his grip had always been firmer than hers. A set of fresh tears had started to spill out of the corner of her eyes and her vision was getting blurry. She was about to fall what Khalid slammed her back into the nearby wall, still strangling her. His eyes never left hers. His dark ocean blue eyes were the last things she saw before she fell into darkness.

The first thing Hafsa knew once her eyes had opened was she was lying down in the comfort of her bed. The second was that she wasn't dead, even though she wished she was. And thirdly, she was all alone.

When she finally had the strength, she slowly got up and looked at herself in the mirror. Her neck was bruised and her face was stained with tears. She checked the washroom clock. It was 9 in the evening. Khalid must have left without her. She washed her face, changed into her pajamas and drank a glass of water. Her stomach growled. She was about to grab something to eat when she realized she hadn't cooked anything as she was suppose to be having dinner at her in-laws. So she settled for a granola bar and banana. She was careful when she swallowed as her neck was still so sore. She checked the time.

11:30

Defeated and hurt she got ready for bed. She walked past her folded prayer mat that sat on her bedroom chair, collecting dust. She deliberately chose not to pray. Instead she got into bed and grabbed her phone that sat on her bedside table. She had unread text messages from Aqsa and Yusra.

Yusra: "I'm so sorry you couldn't make it tonight, feel better."

Aqsa: "aww girl I'm sorry u couldn't make it tonight. I missed u :( get well soon"

So Khalid had told his family the reason she wasn't in attendance was because she had fallen "ill".

Exasperated she drifted off into a deep sleep.