Undelivered Feelings | AkuAtsu

Chapter | '002

As time passed, the two became quite closer. Atsushi has just moved to live with his grandfather. But he didn't go to school. He homeschooled. The albino didn't explain why, and Akutagawa didn't ask much. Even when he's very curious about the reason for the albino case, invaded someone's personal life was not his things. But, for Akutagawa, since the first day he met the albino boy, Atsushi had been his light, and his "tomorrow" would always be Atsushi.

Of course it doesn't show much on his stoic face, not that he wants the albino to notice about his feeling because he is afraid that will scare the albino. But one thing that obviously changes is in the Akutagawa's routine. His sister and his father did notice that Akutagawa's aura has become a little alive despite what was waiting him. But they did glad whatever reason made his eyes shine again.

It's been 3 months, and he spends more time at Atsushi's bookstore. Most of the time, Akutagawa reads while waiting for Atsushi to open/close and serve customers at the bookstore. He can only help a little because of his health. He hated how useless he was.

Atsushi didn't mind at all. Atsushi loves his companion. He likes how Akutagawa called him Jinko just because the author name of the book "Beneath Under the Moonlight" has the same name as him. He found that side of Akutagawa was cute.
Yet something really bothers Atsushi about their relationship, but he just shrugs it off. Maybe it's better that way.

Akutagawa isn't blind to his feelings. He knew he felt something towards the albino. He likes him. But he knows very well that he can't have him. That he might hurt him. And time doesn't seem to be on his side either. It flies so fast. But he still wanted to try something, and he did hope Atsushi wouldn't hate him for that.

Actually, during the second month of their friendship, Akutagawa sometimes helps Atsushi with his self-study. And as a reward, he makes Atsushi talk a lot. Became his personal storyteller. And it's continued till these days. All about the book they had read together.

Well, actually it's more to what the albino had read. Because their interests in genres are quite different. Akutagawa is more like poetry and romance. While Atsushi exactly likes his Gin, they both really like fantasy and adventures. So, Akutagawa will make Atsushi talk about all the books he read.

Of course, Atsushi was happy and told stories with enthusiasm. Akutagawa likes hearing stories from Atsushi. He bet that Atsushi can be a great kindergarten teacher one day. If he want to be one.

"Hey Akutagawa, are you sure you want to buy this book? You already make me talk about it all. Don't you think it's a spoiler?"
Atsushi asked.

"It's my case study, Jinko. People review often overrated or underrated of something. I want to know and experience it myself. Maybe it's not as interesting as you told me." Akutagawa answered him.

"That's what you said for all the other books you told me to tell you, then you still bought."

"Then why did you ask when you already knew the answer?"

"I wonder if you really read them or you... maybe you just gave it to someone else. Because each time I asked you about the books, you only said it's the same like what I've been telling you. Then when I asked if you found something in the book, you said there's nothing inside. And you... you always ask the book to be wrapped nicely using a gift wrap, as if you want to give it to someone else." Atsushi didn't realize that he sounded like a little disappointed. He did want to ask more, but he doesn't want to be the only one to get hurt because sometimes people's reactions are their answer. So, he didn't dare to ask further.

"Hurm. Well, my family didn't know which book store I was spending my time at. They thought it was the fancy one since I always come home with neat and pretty wrapping books. I don't want them to know either. They probably will disturb our day. I like it this way." Akutagawa explain. That makes Atsushi a little bit relieved because that means all the books were in the Akutagawa room.

Even if Akutagawa didn't find anything interesting in the book. It's fine. At least the feeling Atsushi had inside the book only lingers in the Akutagawa's room. Not the others.

In the 6 months of their 'friendship', Akutagawa can't contain his feelings anymore. He was scared that his feelings might explode and accidentally do something Atsushi hated.

So he slowly decreases the days he spends with Atsushi to 4 days a week. He simply said that he need a medical checkup and rest more often. Atsushi was concerned. He really wanted to go to visit Akutagawa, but Akutagawa didn't like that idea. He just didn't want Atsushi to find out what he was up to. Even though, Akutagawa has visited Atsushi grandfather house and sometimes spends the night.

"Eh?! Akutagawa-kun? What are you doing here?" Ah, that's the voice that he admires but hates at the same time.

"Clubbing." He answered while rolling his eyes.

"I didn't know that you can clubbing in bookstores nowadays. So... this is your hideout, huh~"

"Tch. Dazai-san, what are you doing here?"

"Clubbing~"

"Tch. Dazai-san!"

"What else? Akutagawa, I need to buy a book that wasn't sold in the other stores. So this is my last option to find out if the book was here." Dazai explained to him.

"Akutagawa, did you talk with someone else? Ahh! Welcome sir. What can I help- Dazai-san?!" Atsushi greets and surprises at the same time.

"Awww, my Atsushi Kun was here along. I missed you so much!! What a small world, isn't it?" Dazai said as he hugged Atsushi and just laughed. Akutagawa sees them irritated. He didn't even hug Atsushi. And what with the 'my Atsushi' things!

"You two know each other?!" Akutagawa asked as he separated Dazai and took Atsushi beside him.

"Ryuu, Dazai-san used to be my senpai years ago." Atsushi explain.

"Ryuu??" Dazai asked while raising his eyebrows. Akutagawa cover his face with his hand. Atsushi noticed the discomfort on Akutagawa's face.

"Dazai-san, what can I help you with the book here?" Atsushi tries to change the atmosphere. After all, what else the reason would be for Dazai to be there?

"Ahh. I need a literature book titled 'No Longer Human'. It's hard to find at the other stores." Dazai explains, and with that, he tags Atsushi along with him, leaving Akutagawa alone.

"Hey, Atsushi-kun. How long have you known Akutagawa?" Dazai suddenly ask.

"It's been 6 months. Time really flies fast, isn't it?" Atsushi explain.

"And this 'Ryuu' stuff?" Dazai asked with his eyebrows raised again. That might be his trademark.

"What's wrong with that? It's his name, like my name, Atsushi. It's normal between friends, right?"

"He doesn't let anyone call him that, apart from his sister and his father. Even though he admires me so much, he never asked me to call him by his first name. Not that I want to." Dazai exposes Akutagawa a bit.

Atsushi feels special and inferior at the same time. He feels special because he was allowed to call Akutagawa by his first name. He feels inferior because he didn't know that Akutagawa admires Dazai. I mean, who doesn't? It is Dazai-san we are talking about! And Atsushi didn't like that.

"Did he tell you anything else about him?" Dazai continues asking.
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