The Scar Boys

Dedication

Please write an essay of 250 words on a topic of your choice. Your personal essay will up become acquainted with you beyond your courses, grades, and test scores. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself in writing. You may choose to writ about your interest in attending our university, you goals or career plans, a significant community service experience, a person who has influenced your life, a challenge you have had to overcome, or any other special information or circumstances that my assist us in the admissions process. We look forward to getting to know you better.

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January 21, 1987

The University of Scranton

Office of Undergraduate Admissions

Scranton, PA 18510-4699

Dear Admissions Professional,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to become a matriculating student at the University of Scranton. I have had many interesting experiences in my life. I will represent the school well. I work hard and am a quick study. I have a wide variety of interests and I am dedicated to---Wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

250 words? Are you kidding? It can't be done. Whoops just wasted four words, five if you count the contraction, telling you "it can't be done." Another 17 words talking about telling you that "it can't be done." Another 12. . . never mind. This could go on forever.

Here's the short version of what you need to know: I'm ugly and shy and my face, head, and neck are covered with hideous scars. (15 words)

Here's the slightly longer version: 

I was almost struck by lightning.

I wish I had been struck by lightning.

I was a methadone addict before the age of 10.

It's my fault that my best friend almost got killed.

I played guitar int eh greatest punk rock band you've never heard of.

And that was all before my 19th birthday, which isn't for another five months. (76 words)

But the most important thing to know about me, what you really need to grok in order to understand what kind of student you'll be getting, is that I, Harbinger Robert Francis Jones, am a coward.

I just counted and "coward" was word number 248, and that doesn't even include the date or your address, so I should stop. But I can't believe you know me any better yet, and that was your goal right?

So with your permission---strike that, with or without your permission---I'm going to exceed that word count, just a little bit.

Okay, maybe a lot.

I suppose I should start at the beginning, and it begins with a question. . .