Did You Lock Your Door?|| Seongjoong

¿3?

Present

Hongjoong watched his breathing as it came out in short even breaths. In a way, it reassured him that his husband was all right. He might have been unconscious, but he was fine. The sedatives were yet to wear off, but it was a given since it had only been a couple of hours.

He reached out for his hand and intertwined them together. He had thought the medication was working, but it seemed it hadn't done anything for him. He felt his husband's hand jerk a bit, and he immediately looked at him. He sighed in relief when he noticed Seonghwa's eyes fluttering open. He was finally waking up.

Hongjoong leaned in closer and ran a soothing hand through his long strands, hoping it would tell the older that he was right there with him as he got out of his daze. Seonghwa's eyes finally opened, and he looked at him and gave him a small smile. "You're finally awake." He softly said.

Seonghwa's bottom lip trembled, and tears gathered in his eyes. "It happened again, didn't it?"

Hongjoong nodded and gave his hand a little squeeze. "It did." He confirmed.

A hand went over Hwa's eyes, and Hongjoong could tell he was silently crying by the tears running down the side of his face. "How-" He hesitated. "How bad was it?"

He didn't want to tell him, but he knew that that was what Seonghwa wanted. He always wanted to know so that he could tell if he was getting better. He took in a deep breath. "You couldn't recognise me this time and you... tried to jump again."

An audible sob came from him this time, and Hongjoong immediately got up from the hospital chair and sat on the bed. "Hwa?" He gently coaxed his hand away, and Seonghwa let him.

His heart broke as he saw the heavy tears falling from his eyes. He pulled him into his embrace and held him like he knew he needed. "There's no need to cry, love. The doctor did tell us that the medicine might not work. We knew that."

He wetly sniffled. "...I know, but I had hoped that this one would work this time. Is it so wrong to hope that it did?"

"Of course not, but that's why we just have to try something else."

"But for how long?" He desperately asked. "How long do I have to do this?! I feel like I'm at my wit's end."

"I know, babe, I know."

Seonghwa abruptly pushed away from him, angry tears now running down his face. "But you don't. You're not the one in constant fear. You're not the one whose dreams are filled with nightmares, and you especially aren't the one who sees his face wherever." He wiped at his tears. "I'm so fucking tired of this, Joong." He slumped back into his hold, tired both mentally and physically. "I just want things to be back to normal. I just want our lives back to how they were before everything happened."

Hongjoong re-embraced him, holding him closer to himself. "You know I wish for nothing else, but you have to take it slow. We still have a long way to go before we get back to normal." He placed a lingering kiss on the crown of his head. "We will get there. You just have to be patient."

×××

Two days later, Seonghwa was finally discharged. And after that night, Seonghwa was told to stop taking those meds but since then there seemed to be a dark cloud that hung over his head and Hongjoong knew the only way to help was for him to get the much-needed help he required.

Before his discharge, Hongjoong had done extensive research on a good psychiatrist for his husband. Seonghwa was right. They couldn't keep living like this. It was getting impractical for them both.

But it seemed his efforts paid off because he was able to find a doctor. Upon his research, Hongjoong had found that this guy was the best in Seoul, so at least that was a start.