Chronicles of the Living

Chapter 8

     They are letting me out tomorrow. They say I've shown a lot of progress over the week. I'm not sure what they qualify as progress but it's good enough for me. I must admit for the first time in what feels like forever, I feel good. I've told them about the nightmares, my father, and my drinking. I've told them everything short of the whistling. I haven't told them about the murders but I'm sure they know of them. I don't think they know I'm connected to them. Pete did tell them about Mrs Ambrose and they think that's what set off my mental breakdown. They said losing someone I considered a friend was too much for me to avoid with alcohol. When I couldn't avoid it with my usual tendencies I turned to suicide.

     I have a meeting with the psychiatrist today, to clear me for release for tomorrow. I'm not sure how to feel to be honest. I'm happy to get the fuck out of here but I'm afraid of what happens next.

      Pete has come to visit me every other day, even bringing Teresa with him most visits. It makes me happy to see her, she always seems happy to see me. She's always very interested in the embarrassing stories I have on Pete.

     I've kept the picture Lucas gave me taped up next to my bed since she gave it to me. It gives me a reason to look forward to getting out of here. They've been weaning me off of the anti psychotic. In our last meeting the psychiatrist said he doesn't believe I need it, but he does want me to continue taking it in lower doses for a month or two. Since they've lowered my dose I've been dreaming again. Thankfully no nightmares yet but I know they'll come once I'm off the drugs. They told me I need to learn to cope with my past, and in coping with it the nightmares should cease. According to them I've been avoiding my problems for too long using alcohol and other distractions.

      I sat anxiously in my room for most of the day. I didn't say much in the morning group but I'm running out of things to say.

      I sat watching random TV shows until visiting hours came. I wasn't expecting anyone to come, but Teresa came. This time she came alone wearing blue jeans and a pretty yellow blouse. I was surprised to see her without Pete. she said he was busy and she wanted to come anyway. It's sweet really, as short a time as she's known me she really seems to care.

      The distrusting side of my mind thinks Pete been talking her into it. Make me think she cares so I'll feel better. Pete wouldn't do that, he's not one to play with emotions. I think the wierder part is that I've grown to care for her. She makes me smile, I feel warm inside when she's around. It feels like a warm embrace on my chest, and her eyes. Her beautiful eyes, the sincerity within them comforts me. If she was pretending to care, would she look at me like that? Maybe she looks at everyone like that. I might be reading too much into things that aren't there. Even if they aren't there, if she doesn't care, it still feels good to think about.

      The visit wasnt romantic, it was like talking to an old friend. Reminiscing on stories of me and Pete. Her showing excitement for me to get out, 'come home'. I'm excited yet terrified for what happens next.

      She told me I'd missed Christy's thirteenth birthday. I don't have my phone and didn't realize the date. I missed it 3 days ago.

      I remember when Tanya first got pregnant with Christy. Pete was a wreck. At only 18, he didn't have the slightest clue on what to do. He handled it well if you ask me. I wouldn't have been able to do what he did for that girl.

      He dropped out of school in the middle of our sophomore year. His grades were never good but he would've graduated. He got a full time job at a factory, and started bussing tables at the bar. Tanya was a senior, she stayed in school until graduation, she even still went to college. That woman doesn't know how lucky she is to have Pete. Now she's the primary income and she likes to point that out in arguments. Pete gave it all up for them. Worked 18 hours a day to put Tanya through school. Paid for daycare and everything else that little girl could need. Without Pete Tanya wouldn't have all the money she likes to throw in his face.