𝐃𝐎𝐔𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐁𝐋𝐄 ╰┈➤ 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐏𝐎𝐎𝐋 / 𝐖𝐎𝐋𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐄

𝟘𝟘𝟙

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Mia woke up to a loud crash reverberating through the walls of her shared apartment. Her eyes blinked open, greeted by the faint morning light filtering through the curtains. With a groan, she buried her face into the pillow, hoping she was just dreaming.

"Wade," she mumbled, voice muffled by the pillow. "I swear to God, if you just blew up our new toaster again—"

"Relax, cupcake," came Wade's familiar voice from somewhere in the chaos. "Toasters are so last week. I'm working with blenders now!"

Mia groaned again, turning her head to the side just in time to see Deadpool standing proudly in the doorway of her room, holding what used to be a blender in one hand and the singed remains of something she couldn't quite identify in the other. He looked entirely too pleased with himself, his mask slightly askew and the room behind him filled with the faint scent of burnt... something.

Mia pushed herself up onto her elbows, glaring at him. "Wade, why are you in my room holding a blender like you're about to make breakfast out of war crimes?"

He shrugged casually. "Oh, you know, just working on some new smoothie recipes. It's all the rage. Though, I may have gone a little overboard with the grenades."

"Grenades? Wade, I just bought that blender last week!"

"Well, it's dead now, so... I guess that makes it a collector's item." Wade gave her an unrepentant grin as he tossed the charred remains of the blender onto her bed, narrowly missing her feet.

Mia groaned, throwing the covers off her legs and sitting up. "I can't keep buying kitchen appliances at this rate."

"Hey, don't look at me, sweetheart. It's not my fault they keep making them so damn flammable. You'd think with all the advances in technology, someone would invent an explosion-proof toaster." He scratched his head thoughtfully, then pointed a finger in the air. "You know what? I'm calling Stark. He probably owes me a favor, and if anyone can make it happen, it's Iron Man."

Mia gave him a flat look. "Wade, no one owes you any favors."

"Hey, I'm doing you a favor," Wade said, arms crossing over his chest. "The universe is telling you that smoothies are overrated. I'm just the messenger."

"Or maybe the universe is telling you to stop playing with grenades in the kitchen."

Wade's eyes twinkled mischievously behind his mask. "Well, if you want, I can always take you out for breakfast. I've got this friend who owes me after a damn good fight in the Honda Odyssey and-"

Mia tilted her head, "What happened in the Honda Odyssey?" 

Wade paused before quirking back up. "I'll have one of my lovely Tumblr authors type up a summary. But no, seriously, you have to meet Peanut. He's a real riot in the mornings, all broody and 'I hate the world'—very entertaining over bacon and eggs."

Mia grimaced. "Wade, if he's anything like your other friends, I'd rather be skinned alive."

Wade threw his hands up in mock offense. "First of all, rude. Second of all, I'd try drowning instead. I've done the whole skinned-alive gimmick, and trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be. The recovery process is a nightmare."

Mia snorted, shaking her head. "Good to know."

He perked up, leaning in closer. "But really, you've gotta meet him. He's got these awesome claws that—"

"I'm not interested in any more of your friends," Mia interrupted, raising a hand. "No more fake orgasms from me."

Wade sighed dramatically, slumping against the doorframe. "You're no fun. But fine. I'll just keep being the only source of chaos in your life. You're welcome."

"Lucky me," Mia muttered, standing up from the bed. She walked past Wade into the living room, scanning the debris of what was once their kitchen. "How long do you think this one will take to fix?"

Wade tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Eh, give me about an hour. Two tops. Depends if I get distracted."

Mia gave him a sideways glance. "An hour, huh? And what's the over-under on you getting distracted?"

Wade grinned. "Oh, I'd bet all the broken toasters you've got."

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They walked through the city, Mia still half-asleep and Wade narrating their every step like it was some action movie montage.

"Picture this," Wade rambled, arm slung casually over her shoulders, "Logan sitting there, being all rugged and grumpy, and me sliding in with a sexy one-liner, maybe a little innuendo, maybe something about sausage links—"

"Wade, I swear if you make one more sexual comment before coffee—"

"Cupcake, don't pretend you're not intrigued. Admit it! You're a little curious what the ol' Peanut's like in the morning, aren't you?" Wade waggled his eyebrows, oblivious to her death glare. "He's got that 'I hate mornings, and I hate people, but I'll still protect you from anything because I'm secretly a cuddly bear' vibe. It's hot."

Mia huffed, trying to keep up as he practically dragged her down the sidewalk. "I'm regretting this already."

Wade, completely unphased, tightened his grip around her shoulders, pulling her closer. "Oh, you'll thank me, cupcake. Logan's the kinda guy you can count on. Sure, he might stab first and ask questions later, but hey, that's part of his charm."

"More like part of the reason I don't want to meet him," Mia muttered under her breath.

They finally approached the diner, and Wade pushed open the door with exaggerated flair. "Peanut! I've arrived, and I brought a guest! Don't say I never do anything nice for you!"

In the corner, Logan was seated, arms crossed, looking as surly as ever. His dark eyes barely lifted as he caught sight of them.

Wade beamed under his mask. "Look at him, Mia. Doesn't he just scream 'sexy apocalypse lumberjack'?"

Mia groaned. "More like screams 'I'm going to kill you for dragging me here.'"

"Eh, semantics," Wade shrugged. "Now, go sit down, enjoy the eye candy, and let me order some breakfast sausage... extra thick."

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AN- I really couldn't help myself. I mean, you put Hugh Jackman and Ryan Renolds in the same movie. What else was I going to do? Anyway, I hope it wasn't too bad!

Word count- 1004