Euronymous

Chapter Thirty

T/W - drug/alcohol use, mentions of violence and S/A

Krista and I walked through the parking lot toward the venue. Motörhead were playing tonight - I didn't mind them, but Krista was pretty into them. I looked around, trying to spot Øystein. Krista giggled.
"Let me know when you find him." She smirked and I blushed a little, rolling my eyes. "Jan will probably be with him." She grinned, a little heat in her cheeks as well.
"How's that going by the way?" I asked, realising I'd been a little preoccupied with Øystein lately.
"Good. I'm waiting for him to pluck up the nerve to actually ask me out. We always see each other in group settings." She shrugged, but kept smiling - hopeful.
"He's more reserved than he lets on. Maybe take a page from my book and tell him to ask you. It worked on Øystein." She laughed. "Yeah, I should. How are you guys going?" As she asked, I spotted him by the entrance, a little ways back. He was with the usual group. I felt my stomach get uneasy as I saw Faust. I had thought he was so sweet and quiet - compared to the others, anyway. I just couldn't look at him the same, knowing what I knew.
I stopped walking, and watched for a moment. Krista followed my gaze and giggled as she took off toward them. I hesitated, but followed her. It looked like they were in the middle of something. I watched Varg say something to Øystein and a couple of the others began making chicken noises as we approached.

"Just do as I fucking say, okay?" Øystein said firmly, ignoring the ridicule he was receiving. I wondered if he had told them to lie low? Maybe that's what he was getting the backlash for.
Krista jumped on Jan's back, startling him but he laughed. Quickly, the group started to disperse, and I was relieved to see Faust walk away with Occultus. I wasn't ready to be near him again.
Øystein turned to me, a half hearted smile on his face. I smiled back, but he glanced at Varg - who was glaring at me, as usual.
Quickly, Øystein motioned for him to follow, saying he was headed inside. Varg did as he was told, but I felt my stomach drop as Øystein walked away. I just wished we could be normal around others, especially after this morning. My heart skipped a beat as I recalled the pure excitement and bliss I'd felt. He may not have said it, but it felt like he wanted to.
Krista and Jan were talking excitedly, so I called out to let her know I would head inside. I made sure to distance myself from Varg and Øystein ahead of me before I walked in and headed straight to the bar.
There was a long line already, and the opening band began to play. I stood, uninterested and disassociated as I waited to order until I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned, surprised to find Aksel, smiling sheepishly at me.
"Uh... hi."
I was astounded he'd approached me and turned away, ignoring him. "How are you?" He persisted.
"Peachy." I muttered, grateful to be close to the front of the line.
"I'm really sorry, you know." I gritted my teeth at his apology, thinking about his slimy hands on me, and the hour-long shower I had later, scrubbing at my skin until it was raw to stop feeling his perverted touch. I continued to ignore him, hoping he would take a hint.
"Seriously - I feel awful. I'd just had too much to-" I spun around, eyes hard as stone.
"Leave me the fuck alone." Aksel looked taken aback and he cleared his throat, before nodding and walking away. I sighed with relief and turned back to the bar, just in time to be served.
"Tequila shot & a whiskey neat."

I sat at the back of the venue against a spare spot on the wall, eyeing the crowd for Krista. She was nowhere to be seen, and I didn't much feel like searching. I'd been to the bar a couple of times now, meaning I was a few shots and whiskies deep. Maybe that's why I didn't mind hanging by myself.
Motörhead began playing but I'd barely noticed them come onstage. My gaze was following Øystein, watching him walk through the crowd to the other side of the room - followed by Varg and Faust.
My stomach knotted, as I hesitated to approach. I wanted to be near him, but not the other two. I sipped the last of my drink, plucking up the courage. I knew that I would be safe with Øystein there. Besides, the band was playing. I'm sure they wouldn't make conversation during their set.
I headed over as the first song finished. Everyone cheered around us as I reached Faust first - he was set a little further back from the others who stood a few feet in front. He noticed me and gave me his usual sweet smile. I forced one back, careful not to linger as I made my way past him.
"Where's your bitch girlfriend?" Varg turned to Øystein, loud enough that I could hear.
"She's not my fucking girlfriend." Øystein's tone was annoyed and Varg chuckled.
"Are you sure about that? Seems like she's got you on a leash. Maybe you're her bitch." He laughed and I watched as Øystein hit his arm.
"She's just a good fuck. I'm not anyone's bitch." His voice was harsh and his response took me by surprise. I was glad I hadn't reached him yet. I turned to quickly leave as the song started but was pushed roughly by a group of men heading for the mosh.
I stumbled, bumping into Øystein's back roughly, causing him to spill his beer. His eyes were stone as he turned around to face me, but they immediately softened when he realised it was me. Varg laughed at my expression - clearly hurt, and Øystein realised I'd heard what he'd said about me. My eyes searched his for a moment, waiting for him to say something, but he remained silent, unmoving. I left, heading toward the bar, holding back tears as I felt the heaviness in my chest set in.

Aksel.
He stood on the other side of the bar against a wall, a few metres away with Emil. I approached him purposefully. He noticed once I was a few feet away and straightened his posture, looking uncomfortable.
"I already said I was -"
I shook my head. "You got anything?" I asked.
His expression changed from defensive to puzzled. I raised my eyebrows.
"Uh, only grass." He looked uncertain, but I stared at him. He nodded, glancing at Emil briefly before he motioned his head for me to follow. He lead me to the beer garden which was almost empty since Motörhead were playing. I licked my dry lips as he turned to me, taking a seat under an unflattering outdoor light that was attracting moths. I sat beside him silently as he rolled.
He handed me the joint and I took it, lighting it myself. I breathed it in deeply, holding it for as long as I could before I exhaled. He watched me, and I handed it back to him.
"Are we good?" He seemed unsure.
I shook my head. "No." He bit his lip, but stayed silent.
"You really hurt me." I muttered, folding my arms across my chest for warmth. He handed the blunt back to me for another drag.
"I know. What I did was so fucked up. I convinced myself you were into me, and if you couldn't have Euronymous, you'd settle for me instead." He looked down and I genuinely believed he was ashamed. "That shit we had that night..." he trailed off, shaking his head as he remembered. "It was potent. I haven't done anything but smoke since." He admitted. I nodded thoughtfully.
"Thanks for apologising. I still hate you though." He chuckled at my bluntness. We sat in somewhat comfortable silence for a while before he offered to get me another drink.
"You won't spike it, right?" I asked, half seriously, basking in the warm buzz I was feeling. He smirked slightly.
"Couldn't even if I wanted to." I rolled my eyes and he walked away. I sat in my own silence, listening to the muffled sound of the music from inside. He returned shortly, setting a beer in front of me. I took a sip as he sat down, absentmindedly glancing around as more people walked in.

I sighed, deciding to find Krista. I didn't feel like being around people anymore and wanted to tell her I was going home. I stood, a little unbalanced from the drinks and smokes. Beer in hand, I smiled a small goodbye to Aksel and turned. As I did, I saw Faust, Varg and Oystein come through the door to the beer garden. Oystein trailed behind them quietly, hands in his pockets as they laughed.
Our eyes met and I thought I could see the hurt in them, buried under the disbelief, but I kept walking. I'd taken about two steps inside when I felt my wrist being tugged on. Oystein pulled me toward the exit of the venue and I followed to the outside of the venue before he let go.
"What the fuck, Elsie? You're hanging out with him now?" He was furious, and I could understand why, but he'd made it clear that he was playing me.
"Why would you care? All I am is a 'good fuck', remember?" I snapped, but my words slurred. He shook his head and glanced behind me, as if checking for anyone.
"Do you really think that?" He was still annoyed, but I could hear the disappointment in his voice.
"Well, you were pretty fucking convincing." I could feel the emotion bubbling from my stomach to my chest, rising in my throat as I held back a sob. I leant my back against the dirty wall of the venue and ran a hand through my hair as I tried to compose myself.
Silence sat between us for a few moments, but it felt much longer.
"I only said it to keep you safe." He explained in a slow voice, as if to keep the energy between us calm as he stepped closer. I sniffled, looking up at him as his hand gently caressed the side of my face. I realised he was talking about Varg.
"That's why I've been keeping my distance all night." He murmured, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear as his glassy eyes bored into mine. "All I've wanted to do is be with you." He whispered, leaning in. Our lips met and I felt relief wash over me like a wave. I couldn't help myself - I grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him in as close to me as I could get. He broke away suddenly, looking around. "Come home with me tonight?" Wordlessly, I nodded.
I was kind of numbed out from the weed, booze and intense emotions, but I craved his presence. Like the light in the beer garden - he was the brightness in the dark, and I was simply a moth, drawn to his beauty despite its rough exterior.
He took my hand and we walked through the car park to the main road to hail a cab. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing people begin to pile out of the venue as the concert finished. Krista and Jan stumbled out, a giddy expression on her face as they held hands. I went to smile but it quickly disappeared as I saw Varg, watching us walk away with a smirk on his face.